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Reviews For Slave Child
I'm not sure of your nationality (and if you are British I apologise), but in the UK a 'sleep robe' is usually a dressing gown and in hospital one sleeps in a bed not a cot. Cots are where babies sleep! Author's Response: Hi again! >>>It must be hard to deal with reviewers who unwittingly make comments inviting spoilers! Oh, not really hard, but sometimes I can't answer a question or respond as fully as I would like. On that note, Harry and Severus are going to talk more about the conditions of the spell in the next couple chapters. No, I'm American, not British. Someone else pointed out that a sleep robe is called a dressing gown in the UK, and I could have kicked myself, because I did know that, but I think my brain just wasn't working properly when I wrote that. I kept thinking of 'robe' but knew I needed to distinguish it from the regular wizard robes. I keep meaning to go back and change that, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I did not know that 'cot' was more like a cradle. Here it's a bed, but a small, narrow one...not like a nicer one you would have at home or such. Thanks again!
Okay, true confession. I am going to sound like a complete idiot; but I don't know how to PM. I know what it is, I can see the icon on the bottom tool bar; but, I've never used it. I can completely understand not being able to answer all my questions. I am sorry I asked about spoilery things. Very sorry about that. When I leave a review I like to let the author know what their story makes me wonder. Do you, by any chance have a livejournal account? If you do that would be a great way to communicate. My name over there is anne_squires. Original, huh? Author's Response: Hi, there again! Oh, don't feel bad...I'm one of the world's worst when it comes to computer proficiency, lol. I'm always having to ask how to do the simplest things and I feel so stupid when I do, lol. I don't have livejournal, but you are a member of The Prince and the Seeker, aren't you? I think I can send you a PM through there. I'll try it and you can let me know if you get it, all right? Kristeh
I also think that Snape is underestimating the difficulties the spell will cause. He assures Harry that he will be happy there, but Harry is 16. He won't be able to do what normal teenagers do - get a job, go away with friends, have relationships, aspire to a future. Of course, Harry hasn't done the latter so far, but one assumes that as he recovers and discovers he can have a life that he might start, like his peers, to think of careers and future. The slavery spell stops that, which I think will be very hard to deal with. If Dumbledore fails to find a cure, of course..... Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoying the story. Severus and Harry still have aspects of the spell to talk about, some of which are the very things you've mentioned...a career, future relationships, etc. I don't want to go into much detail here because I don't want to give away spoilers, but if you go back and read the actual conditions of the slavery spell, it may not be quite so restrictive. But Severus and Harry will talk about these things in upcoming chapters. Thank you again!
I'm so glad that Harry believed Severus when he told him that he loved him. I believed him too. That shows how talented you are. The reader can believe that Severus has truly reached that point. So glad Severus wants to adopt Harry. I also understand why Harry doesn't want that, because of the fact that his slave status would come out. Very realistic reactions on the part of both characters. Will Harry's slave status be revealed at some point though? I can see reporters digging until they find out why Harry has to stay with Severus. Skeeter would leave no stone (or spell book) unturned. I'm also glad that Harry was able to articulate how the spell made him feel less than others. I'm glad Severus had the presence of mind to ask Harry about that in the first place. About time too. I also liked Severus' response to that. I hope Harry and Severus continue to discuss how the spell makes Harry feel. Until now the slavery issue has been a bit like the elephant in the parlor that no one talks about. That can't be healthy. Plus, there are things Harry needs to know, like the inheritance issue. I thought the way you timed the action was perfect, very tight, well paced. A lot of tension, and then relief at exactly the right moment. I couldn't read fast enough. Again, as I have noted in other chapters, everything is very realistic. Query: Do you think Harry's plan would have worked if Severus hadn't stopped him? He wasn't really trying to escape, was he? Well, he was, in the sense that he wanted to escape his life. What I guess I'm asking is, would just leaving without his master's permission be enough for the spell to think he was actually trying to escape? If so, then the spell is highly restrictive indeed. At some point, when Harry is better, I think it would be interesting to explore just how restrictive the spell is. Harry needs to be in a psychological place where he can take it in stride; but, it would be interesting to read about Harry being thwarted by the spell. I would like to read more about how the spell impacts Harry on a daily basis other than just having to live with Severus. Will Harry receive some sort of professional therapy? He tried to kill himself. He needs professional help. Well, he would if this were real life. Someone needs to mention to Harry that his parents and Sirius died literally while fighting to save Harry's life. Killing himself would the the exact opposite of what they were fighting for. It would make a mockery of their deaths if Harry were to try to kill himself. Someone (Severus) needs to explain this to Harry. Author's Response: Thank you, Anne! Well, knowing Severus, I think he wouldn't stop until Harry had given him that promise. Otherwise, Harry would have a permanent companion, as in 'I'm not letting you out of my sight for one second'. Severus really does love Harry by now, as you said. He might not have been able to articulate it for a while yet if he hadn't realised what a dire situation it was and that Harry really needed to know, that it was an actual matter of life and death for him to open up and share his feelings with Harry. But the love was definitely already there. The adoption matter has not ended, either, but right now Harry is not in a place where he can handle people knowing about the slavery spell and Severus recognised that. Yes, they absolutely needed to talk about the slavery spell and its effects on Harry. And there's still a lot for them to discuss and deal with, but at least they've made a start. I think Severus let it go for a while, because he knew it hurt Harry, and he didn't want to bring up a painful subject. But now he's realised that painful as it is to talk about, it's even worse not to discuss it, and that by talking they can figure out ways to help Harry. Will Harry receive professional help? Well, he does need it and in the real world I think Severus would already have parked himself and Harry in a therapist's office. But I'm not going to have there be therapists or such in the wizarding world, so Severus is going to take on the bulk of that role. He will do everything he can to educate himself on depression, though. And yes, someone will point out to Harry that his parents and Sirius died to save him. It may be Severus, or it may be Ron and Hermione, even. You asked two other questions: 'Will the slavery spell be revealed to the public?' and 'Would Harry's plan have worked if Severus hadn't come home early and stopped him in time?' I don't want to answer these questions here because they touch on plot points that will come up later. If you really want to know and don't want to wait, then if you can let me know how to PM you, I'll tell you everything in private. Would that be okay? Thanks again!
Author's Response: Thank you! I love all the mushy stuff!
Author's Response: Thank you! I do love the mush and angst! What's in store? Well, Harry's friends have scarcely been in the story at all and I want to include them. Draco still has to be dealt with, of course, and I want to go into the school year. I may even try to write a Quidditch game, who knows, lol!
You are very talented to get inside of the head of a suicidal person like this. It's so real. At the same time it doesn't seem gratuitous or exploitive any any way. You are extremely talented to be able to evoke so much. Author's Response: Hi, Anne, I feel like I should apologise almost. I can only imagine how painful that must have been for you. I love reading your comments, can definitely understand you wanting to keep some distance, if you need to. What a terrible thing for a family to have to go through. I know that so far Harry has been seeing suicide as a solution to his problems, but he will come to see that he was wrong, that if he had he would have denied himself the joy of having his most cherished dream come true. I hope that if people will read SC and the sequel to the ends, they will be satisfied with how it turns out (or mostly anyway. I know you can't always please everyone). But I do hope the story will ultimately be life-affirming and can show a message that there is always hope and that life can always get better, no matter how hard it may be for a time. I do think that a person who commits suicide is ill, because depression and hopelessness are an illness. I have never been suicidal, but about ten years ago, I did go through a fairly severe depression when someone close to me died, and it really took over a year before I healed. Even though I never went so far as to contemplate suicide, I remember the hopelessness, the fatigue, the feeling of being overwhelmed by little ordinary things, and worst of all, the feeling that no one could help. I suppose I'm drawing on that when I portray Hrry and his feelings now. Thank you very much!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, Harry has begun to heal. He still has a ways to go, but I think with Severus on his side, he'll get there eventually.
With that in mind, here is my review. The overall premise of the story was what caught my attention with “Slave Child”. It was well thought out, but a bit rushed to completion, in my opinion. I also found the characterizations spot on in the beginning of the story, waning as time went on, showing us an out of character Snape who became sappy and touchy feely literally overnight. Many fan fiction writers make the mistake of “telling” a story rather than “showing” it. I was happy to find that “Slave Child” leaned more toward a “showing” story. Although too many dialogue tags can spoil the soup. And remember, pronouns are your friend. Author's Response: Hi, and thank you. I know others have thought that Severus is OOC and that he changed too quickly. Maybe so. I've just done the best I could with it. Dialogue tags? Do you mean actual dialogue, the conversation? Or using the characters' names too much instead of pronouns. I did think when I was writing ch. 24 that I was using Harry's and Severus' names maybe too often, but I wanted to be clear on who was doing and saying what. Sometimes referring to both of them as 'he' and 'him' too often can be confusing, I think, but I will work on it. Thank you.
Oh, and I thought decribing Harry's hopelessness and despair as 'breaking into a million pieces' was really apt. Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you approve of the way Harry was going about it. It's odd, because as I said in an earlier response, I at first planned for Harry to attempt to run away, to have Severus prevent him, but not really understand what Harry was doing, and then for Harry to make a second attempt in another way. But when I was writing, I just couldn't make it work...it came across awkwardly, at least it seemed that way to me. So I re-wrote it with Harry's escaping being the 'real' attempt, and that seemed to go more smoothly...though the other scenario may come into the story or sequel. Oh, Harry won't attempt suicide again, but that event may be worked in as an accident or as someone else attempting to hurt Harry or one of the characters. I'll let you guys know if that other scene makes it into the story at some point. Thanks again! |
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