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Reviews For Broken Wings
Author's Response: It was something he needed to hear and you're right, it did give us plenty of explanation about why Sev behaved like he did.
Author's Response: Thanks and their relationship will improve, save for a few minor setbacks, in the sequel.
Author's Response: Thanks and hope you like the next one-Two Hawks Hunting.
Crossing my fingers, pressing my thumbs, etc, for Sirius. One bit that was off: Two hawks flying . . .this means me and Severus. But how can this be? By now, WE know that Severus is the other hawk, but Harry doesn't know Severus is a Hawk Animagus at this point. Perhaps something like this: Two Hawks flying... Harry knew he was one of them, but who was the other? And what role did Severus play in this prophesy? I am really enjoying this story, and the alterations you are making. Harry's relationship with Severus is lovely. Thanks for writing. K Author's Response: If you hurry and read the next chapter you might find out a way that Sirius can be saved. That bit about Harry pondering the prophecy. . .he knows Severus is involved because of the tag on the globe which says Severus, Harry, and Voldemort. So he reasons that obviously Voldemort is the darkness and therefore that must mean the "two hawks" refer to him and Severus. Himself he can understand, but he doesn't know that Severus is an Animagus and that's why he says "How can this be?" Although the symbolism of the prophecy might not be taken literally . . .he knows it can be. Sorry if that felt unclear. Harry will eventually discover Severus's Animagus form. Thanks for reading!
I love the story. I love the interaction between Snape and Freedom, and I cried my way through 5 kleenex when Severus and Harry were at odds. Very well done. I did want to make a suggestion regarding one of your writing habits: You add "or whatever", "or whatnot", "and stuff" to the end of sentences. This throws me out of the story when the phrases are used by characters that would not use them. I can deal with Ron saying it, because he's a sloppy thinker. Neither Hermione nor any of the Professors would. Harry might, depending on his mood, but I believe he is learning to think. Deleting the phrase from each of the following sentences would turn a weakened sentence into a much stronger one: Examples: "He is an irresponsible teenager, Albus, no doubt he cooked up this scheme in order to get more attention from the press (and whatnot)...." Chapter 2 Severus [...] considered it the worst timing in the world that Potter had to go missing (or whatever) right then. Chapter 4 Crabbe glared at the other. "So what? It's better than hexing them till they die (or whatever)." Chapter 11 Here, out in the sun and the wind, no memories (or whatever) could find him. Chapter 12 "[...]I mean, it isn't as if You-Know-Who's going to send out a ransom note (or whatever)." Chapter 13 Why don't you go and brew a potion (or whatever)? Chapter 13 "If you are determined to sulk, (for whatever reason), I shall go and work in my lab" Chapter 13 No way was he going to miss this opportunity to listen and learn more about the Headmaster's secret agenda (or whatever). Chapter 14 Merlin, this playacting (or whatever) is bloody hard. Chapter 14 what had made Severus come down here at this hour, when he was supposed to be grading papers (or whatever)? Chapter 15 It might not kill or maim (or whatever), but it leaves other scars, dammit!" Chapter 15 They all needed the Boy Who Lived (or whatever). Chapter 20 Harry [...] and hoped Ron would get over his jealousy (or whatever). Chapter 23 "Oh, Harry! What a wonderful opportunity to learn new recipes (and stuff)!" Chapter 24 Please take this comment as it is meant, as a fervent desire that such a great story not be marred by a pattern of language that does not belong to the characters speaking. Thanks so much for writing. And now, I can go on and read the next chapter! Yay! Author's Response: Thanks for reading and enjoying my story and for pointing out those few times when I tend to overuse that phrase. Some of that is deliberate, when Harry is Freedom, he has a lapse of proper grammar and can't always come up with proper words to describe things or feelings, so that is why he uses it so much. And Crabbe too doesn;t have an extensive vocabulary, so I think he would use that on occasion and even Hagrid, and the part with Severus as a teenager, well there he hasn't discarded casual speech for his professor mannerisms yet. But there are a few places where I can take out that phrase or maybe substitute a new one. Hope you enjoy the rest of it.
Author's Response: She is and don;t worry something REALLY BAD will happen to her soon! Freedom does know he deserved what Sev did to him, even if he hates it he knows Sev was fair. Yes, the revelation is in the next chapter. Hurry up and read it!!
Author's Response: Yes, the owls were great, weren't they? Yeah draco makes me want to do that to him too! Okay, hurry and read the next one!!
Author's Response: Thanks and if you keep reading you'll see that Umbridge does get her just deserts . . .for good and all!
Author's Response: Thanks very much! I am trying to go that route, Melissa. Severus will be discovering who his hawk is in a few more chapters and Umbridge will get what she deserves eventually!
Author's Response: Aww thanks and hope you enjoy the sequel so far! |
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