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Reviews For The Son Becomes the Father
Your characters are completely in character, and the changes in them are slow and believable. The only point that I was unsure about was at the beginning... Harry's decision to keep Toby seemed a bit mature for a kid his age, but on the other hand, it could well have been the heedlessness that Harry has shown in the past, so it is not unbelievable. I like the slowly changing interactions between Harry and Severus, and between Harry and Draco. It looks like they are evolving into more positive relationships, but you keep it believable by not doing it all at once. I am really curious what has changed for Draco, that has caused his apparent change of loyalties. That is a part of the story that I can't wait to read more of. I raed through from chapter 1, so this review is on all of the chapters... there are a few things that need work: There are places throughout the story when you reveal something that the apparent POV character would not know. We are left wondering if the POV character does indeed know this, and how. It may be that you are not being clear enough about POV shifts, or that you are using Omnicient POV but lapsing into limited third person without warning. Making POV shifts clear, using section breaks to mark a shift (* * * is sufficient), and making sure you are avoiding revealing anything in a given section that the POV character for that section would not know, would really help with this. You also have some word choice issues, some of which are consistent enough to mention (these are in various chapters): worse=comparative. If the word 'than' follows, use worse. A is worse than B. worst=superlative. The worst of all. Preceded by 'the'. than: comparative: better than, happier than then: seqeuntial or as a result of: I did this, then I did that. (or) If I go here, then I can do this. One time errors that stuck in my mind: skinnier = more skinny. less skinny (not less skinnier). tone = color toning = musculature (the tone of Snape's face, not the toning. Misplacement of commas also causes confusion intermittently. The reason I mention these issues is that I really like the story, and the issues hinder the smooth flow of it. Each time I stumble into one, I am brought up short while I try to figure out what you mean, or while my brain makes the mental correction. Despite these few issues, I am really looking forward to reading more. Overall, an excellent read. K
Pardon my enthusiasm...:D
Author's Response: Thanks :). And perhaps if Harry din't have the war to worry about on top of everything then he could pay more attention to his little brother, but remember that he's only sixteen and has so much more to deal with than just Toby :P And he does pay a decent amount of attention, though I can't make note of every single one of them. Thanks for the review, though!
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