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Reviews For Closure
This sentence seemed odd, you might be missing osmething: "it was distributed to try and quiet his psyche. , Harry thought bitterly. . Harry had pointed that out to Hermione, who merely sighed and said," Also, iI'm pretty sure that when you end a phrase with a comma, have narration and then start up the dialouge again you capalize the first letter. "good reason to be upset, mind you,” she stumbled slightly, then moved on. “but if that..." So "But" should be capitalized- I'm sure that's just a typo. :) Since that day, Ron nor Hermione had been to see him. Are you missing a "neither"? I really liked this thought: Perhaps they have more important things to do…the world can’t stop just because I can’t participate. I love how Remus visted him- i felt that their time together and all the things you wrote in it seemed very real-like, what they talked about and how Harry felt and how he had to sleep becasue he's still injured. Very nicely done. I liked the hints to the past of the battle, how you didn't just go all out and explain everything in their conversation- real people wouldn't explain everything and that made their conversation seem so much better. lovely. I absoutley LOVE LOVE the dream, that was marvelously done! the descriptions, the emotions, the hints and mystery- good job! And Snape seems so Snape-ish- really good job. :) And how you immediately went into that scene where Snape sneakily spelled Harry and did his stuff, only we didn't know who it was at first- that was such a treat. I think i felt worried when I first read it, but the second time I didn't feel anxious at all when that scene started, even though i didn't know who it was and I really liked that. I liked how Snape was like a 3rd party, watching the events- that was very movie spy-like. :) I love the mystery in the second half of this chapter. Great stuff! I can't wait until we get to the meat of it. :) Lots of people rate stories based on how much of the story is what they like- so on this site a lot of people rate for the Snape and Harry interaction. But I understand how important a setup is, even without either of them interacting so I rate setup chapters a little high. They seriously are important, because other wise a story that jumps right into it, isn't very good. Thanks for setting up your story so carefully. :) I want to give you a 7.5/10.
I found that Harry's injuried were done very well-how you choose qhich ones. Lots of people do too little, or just list off this very long list of horrible ones, and it seems surreal. but you managed to keep it in the here and now, good job! :) I still think that you shoul dhave broken up the dialouge with some motions, or tone becasue when I look back (read back) it feels kind of blank. good job on Harry's emotions and feelings though, those got across very well. I'll give you a 7/10.
Author's Response: I tried...he's a rather hard character to write, mainly because of the eloquent way he uses his words and the complexity behind his actions-I think I shall have great fun writing it...Thanks for reading!
Intriguing! I have a shrewd guess who left the note for the Healers (considering what site this is, after all) but can't wait to see how you're going to connect it up. Minor grammar: 'gapping wounds' should be 'gaping'. Fascinating stuff! Keep it up! Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Sorry about the grammar mistake...I shall fix it right now!
Author's Response: Thank you! The next chapter is waiting to be validated and I should have something new to post possible by this weekend. |
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