Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Reviews For Closure
Title: Black Eyes 13 Nov 2005 9:04 pm
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]
    Two weeks. Two agonizing, slow-paced, infuriating weeks. Harry was confined to a personal room in St. Mungo’s, where he was poked and prodded, studied and discussed... it would have been better if you didn't start with a hanging thought that is disjointed to the next, some like this would have been better: Two weeks. Two agonizing, slow-paced, infuriating weeks Harry had been confined to a personal room in St. Mungo’s.... It leads you into the chapter. i really liked the nurses checking up on him, that was cute and added a bit of extra realism. poor Harry. :)

    This sentence seemed odd, you might be missing osmething: "it was distributed to try and quiet his psyche. , Harry thought bitterly. . Harry had pointed that out to Hermione, who merely sighed and said," Also, iI'm pretty sure that when you end a phrase with a comma, have narration and then start up the dialouge again you capalize the first letter. "good reason to be upset, mind you,” she stumbled slightly, then moved on. “but if that..." So "But" should be capitalized- I'm sure that's just a typo. :) Since that day, Ron nor Hermione had been to see him. Are you missing a "neither"?

    I really liked this thought: Perhaps they have more important things to do…the world can’t stop just because I can’t participate. I love how Remus visted him- i felt that their time together and all the things you wrote in it seemed very real-like, what they talked about and how Harry felt and how he had to sleep becasue he's still injured. Very nicely done. I liked the hints to the past of the battle, how you didn't just go all out and explain everything in their conversation- real people wouldn't explain everything and that made their conversation seem so much better. lovely. I absoutley LOVE LOVE the dream, that was marvelously done! the descriptions, the emotions, the hints and mystery- good job! And Snape seems so Snape-ish- really good job. :) And how you immediately went into that scene where Snape sneakily spelled Harry and did his stuff, only we didn't know who it was at first- that was such a treat. I think i felt worried when I first read it, but the second time I didn't feel anxious at all when that scene started, even though i didn't know who it was and I really liked that. I liked how Snape was like a 3rd party, watching the events- that was very movie spy-like. :) I love the mystery in the second half of this chapter. Great stuff! I can't wait until we get to the meat of it. :) Lots of people rate stories based on how much of the story is what they like- so on this site a lot of people rate for the Snape and Harry interaction. But I understand how important a setup is, even without either of them interacting so I rate setup chapters a little high. They seriously are important, because other wise a story that jumps right into it, isn't very good. Thanks for setting up your story so carefully. :) I want to give you a 7.5/10.
Title: Lucky to be Alive 13 Nov 2005 8:38 pm
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]
    I really like how to began this chapter and this story. It was nice how you got into the scene. I felt that it all seemed very plausible and something that could happen in canon the way you wrote it. I like your descriptions. however, I found that the long stretches of dialouge without and indications of tone were a little distracting. The doctor just talked normally, and when it doesn't change, even with little bits, it gets usual (I want to say boring, but it's not really boring it's just usual). Hermione's entrance was GREAT. I loved how Harry didn't know what was going on, or anyone and then he realized Hermione was there- i was with Harry, not knowing and not expecting but still so grateful once he realized who she was. I felt that the way she talked about Ron was going into depths that didn't fit quite realistically. it may be just me, but when you talk about someone, you don't talk as if you were in their heads describing, like if I were to go "Mary Jane was hurt, blah blah, she pulled through, it was tough but she felt as if she had the strength to make it," the last part is where it goes overboard. The first part is fine, but that last part went into too much detail from the wrong perspective that makes it stand out and seem more like a narration. it was still good, I just noticed that.

    I found that Harry's injuried were done very well-how you choose qhich ones. Lots of people do too little, or just list off this very long list of horrible ones, and it seems surreal. but you managed to keep it in the here and now, good job! :) I still think that you shoul dhave broken up the dialouge with some motions, or tone becasue when I look back (read back) it feels kind of blank. good job on Harry's emotions and feelings though, those got across very well. I'll give you a 7/10.
Title: Black Eyes 11 Nov 2005 5:49 pm
Reviewer: Kateri (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Hmm, interesting.  And very Snapish

    Author's Response: I tried...he's a rather hard character to write, mainly because of the eloquent way he uses his words and the complexity behind his actions-I think I shall have great fun writing it...Thanks for reading!
Title: Lucky to be Alive 11 Nov 2005 2:09 am
Reviewer: infiniteviking (Anonymous) [Report This]

    Intriguing! I have a shrewd guess who left the note for the Healers (considering what site this is, after all) but can't wait to see how you're going to connect it up.

     Minor grammar: 'gapping wounds' should be 'gaping'.

    Fascinating stuff! Keep it up!



    Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Sorry about the grammar mistake...I shall fix it right now!
Title: Lucky to be Alive 10 Nov 2005 11:34 pm
Reviewer: Kateri (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Interesting start

    Author's Response:

    Thank you! The next chapter is waiting to be validated and I should have something new to post possible by this weekend.


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