Title: Chapter 1 - Floo Me Away
| 03 Feb 2006 7:10 am
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Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed)
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Great! :) You have a lot of typos though - you might want to go back over it later sometime or get a beta. Harry said "Snapdragon Alley" when he wanted to Floo to Snapdragon Manor.
But great chapter, this looks like it will be an awesome story. Keep writing! The pace is very good and you capture good emotions, strong. There are some more things you can do for that (mostly there were a couple of Snape lines without anything around them like dialouge or actions- there was only a line of dialouge and you could have added something else to them to add more of mood/emotions/whatever to the chapter). The only thing I was wondering about was why Snape was telling him to brush his teeth and get into bed without asking if he had any place to go or asking Dumbledore or explaining himself. I think that this is because this is from Harry's pov/perspective. If it were from Snape's pov we probably would have had Snape's reasoning of it. As it is, I think that you need to add some subconcious message to Harry for the readers to read and know of some logical reason why Snape was like that. But I am very glad that he WAS like that- it was great!
Thanks so much for sharing! Now post more! :)