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Reviews For Ashes of the Phoenix
Its great so far. Please update soon. Thanks
Author's Response: Lol, I'm getting there but I have finals for my college so need to worry about that, will work on it again soon!
“Away from you! You keep pouring potions down my throat!” Hahaha! there are so many great lines in this and Snape is positively evil! Telling Harry that Draco's coming over? Oh, priceless. And he's actually going to do it! Oh man. Great fic. Fantastic! I'm a little annoyed at Harry, he's brat but that makes him fun! This is a super enjoyable fic. Please keep writing! :D if left alone to long You use "to" a lot when it's supposed to be "too". "Too" means "as well" and it's also used to express more of something like "too bad", "too long". "To" is when you go "to" a place or if you go do something. it's part of the infinitive, like "to be", "to run", ect.
Fantastic! This is the type of story that I reread paragraphs over and over again because i enjoy them so much. I love, love your Snape. Wonderful job on him and his dialouge is very true. Everything he says is very entertaining. There are erros in this chapter too you need to go back and take a look at. :) Many. Please try to correct them, otherwise it hurts the story. You may want to reconsider this: Snape sighed as he grabbed one of Harry’s wrists to keep the boy from punching him. This is the second time I've seen an action refered to only after it happened, passively. In this case, Harry trying to punch Snape. It makes it seem delayed. Afterwards you used it again.
This is a great story and a great chapter! You have an amazing deal of tension and the best kind of mixture between animosity and caring. This story could really get a lot of appreciative readers and reviewers. However, you have many mistakes, words are missing, words are in the wrong tenses... I think that that is taking a full frog off of your score/rating. You need to edit this and fix everything. I don't know if these are just typos or if you just didn't realize, but you need to fix them. Here are some examples: he was not about left Harry on the side of street like some unknown beggar. (about to leave) “Potter,” Snape’s deepened, (Snape's voice deepened) Snape stepped a few paces closer, making have (making Harry have) You Harry Potter, the star of Hogwarts and Savior of the Wizarding World?” (You,) He hated when Snape reminded him of his famous place (reminded him of his fame) More concerned (More like concerned) “Nothings wrong (Nothing's) “Nothing much,” he answered. “Just a few bruises (this is missing the ending punctuation) walked over to Harry and setting a potion down on the table near the couch. (set) to make sure his swallowed. (he) There are many more. Please take the time to fix them or get a betareader. :) I have to rate you a 8 for this chapter, if there weren't so many mistakes I would have given you a 10.
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