This chapter was a little better. :) I like the emotions that are present as Harry's sitting on the swing. I loved how Snape's voice came out of nowhere, telling Harry to go back home. I think you could expound a little on that, add more emotions to the things around just the words. Harry drinking seems a little out of place and a little too grownup, espeically if he didn't want to slow down his reaction time. It doesn't work for me. Here's a coupl eof things:

Tense change:

Night had fallen again on Private Dr., in what has become normal, (had become a normal routine)

Wrong dialouge punctuation:

talking,

What in the (Should be in the same line and you're misisng the opening ") You should look over this chapter and redo the paragraph breaks. Some paragraphs are cut and their next thoughts are placed in their own paragraphs.