That was sweet. I love that Merlin doll and was very happy to see Severus soften up.
Oh, that was precious. Snape's gotta give in. I know he will. ;-)
Aww, I liked this chapter. Though I am a bit confused a to whether or not Snape is supposed to be teaching at the school or not. But I guess that'll be cleared up later.
As sad as the line is, I really liked it when Snape said "I don't care about Harry,". Something about how he used the boy's first name, rather than his last name to emphasize his lack of concern. Almost as if he is trying to convince himself of that.
I love how Dumbledore can still make Severus feel like a student. I suppose because it shows that he is not totally shut off. Someone, even if it's Dumbledore, can still reach him.
Hmm, well this has the potential to be interesting. I've heard a lot of good things about this story, so I think I'll keep going. ;-)
| Title: Epilogue
| 15 Oct 2008 2:53 am
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| Reviewer: Livi (Anonymous)
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Aaaw, Strudelcheeks, this is just the nicest ending I've read in a good while. And let me tell you, I've had to work to find stuff to critique. Your story warms the cockles of my little heart.
Au revoir!
| Title: Chapter Seven
| 15 Oct 2008 2:43 am
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| Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
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My dear little summer squash, your grammar must be fixed! "Madam Bright didn't live up to her name, brown would have been more accurate." Where is your semicolon? Your conjunction? When you connect two independent clauses (Those are two short sentences that could stand on their own), you must use either a semicolon or a FANBOYS- that's For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So! If you don't use a proper connection between the words, you'll get a run-on sentence, and that's bad. (See? I just used one!) Put either a semicolon or a 'for' between 'name' and 'brown,' and get rid of this misused comma nonsense!
By the way, Harry is the cutest little kid ever.
| Title: Afterword
| 15 Oct 2008 2:30 am
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| Reviewer: Livi (Anonymous)
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Pickle! Oh, how lovely! But, alas, my apple crisp, your over-large error causes me to crease my brow most tragically for one so young and carefree. For 'over large' should be hyphenated, and you neglected your hyphen!
I like the epithets you choose for Harry, but be sure not to overuse them. Also, you left out a truly irreplaceable comma in the sentence 'Eyes on the small marks Snape sank back down into his chair.' This sounds like 'Eyes on the small marks' is Snape's name. Very First Nation of you, but not terribly accurate. You need a comma when you add a dependent clause to a sentence, whether at the beginning or end. In this case, it goes after 'marks.' Bye!
| Title: Chapter Six
| 15 Oct 2008 2:24 am
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| Reviewer: Livi (Anonymous)
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Hey Pumpkin pie,
Malfoy-ooh. So evil, so much possibility. You almost did him justice, but not quite. 'Annoyingly tedious' is a little bit out of place. You could probably shorten or cut that sentence without causing any harm. However, I LOVE Severus in the interaction. He's just so Fabulous!
| Title: Chapter Three
| 15 Oct 2008 1:54 am
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| Reviewer: Livi (Anonymous)
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Ciao Sugarplum,
Your description of the invisibility cloak makes me think of very fine silk or satin, how it falls through your hands. For something to cause invisibility, being fine and light seems much more realistic than the velvet seen in the movies.
"Cat like" is usually written either hyphenated as cat-like or as one word, catlike. Two words is a peculiar way to do it.
Toodles!
| Title: Chapter Two
| 15 Oct 2008 1:45 am
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| Reviewer: Livi (Anonymous)
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I like the line about magic needing chaos. It's true, isn't it? Be careful with your adverbs ending in -ly. In the toy store scene and at the end of this chapter they fall a little awkwardly.
And man, but isn't Dumbledore persuasive? Congrats, comrade
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