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Reviews For Emotional Commotion
I have noticed several places in this and previous chapters where there's a lack of clarity in your dialog. For example: “Calming Draught,” Snape explained. He reached a hand to Harry’s face but Harry flinched back. He noticed then that his face was wet. Had he been crying? He wiped his tears away, roughly. “Sorry,” Harry croaked, embarrassed. It sounds like "He reached" is Snape. If "He noticed" is Harry, it should be on a separate line, because otherwise it sounds like it's Snape, which then makes it sound like Snape is the one who wiped Harry's face, roughly. It doesn't sound like that was the intention. Author's Response: Eek, thanks so much for noticing that mistake of mine. I'll get it fixed up quick. Thank you so very much for your constructive review. I means alot to me.
I'm interested to see how differently things will play out when Harry doesn't go to the Cup. Smart of Snape to keep him from that. He's learning quickly :) Keira Author's Response: *L* It's so funny how different the readers are here and at ffnet. Already I've had a couple of reviewers on ffnet tell me that they think it's too severe of a punishment. ha, it's a totally different world on these two different websites. Harry has been through so much and he's never really been allowed or able to express himself with words and he's never really had someone to go to for help before. It really doesn't seem so out of place that Harry would end up having a habit like that. Let's hope it's just a one time thing that happened because the pot was too dissociative for him. We can hope it doesn't happen again... but only I really know for sure, don't I....? Thanks so much for your review.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm sure Snape will have some sort of reaction if he ever finds out.
Author's Response: Yeah... the Quidditch thing is quite sad... but it's the only punishment I could think of that would fit. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Author's Response: aww shucks. thank you. |
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