I’ve read this story before and really enjoyed it! I’m rereading and giving the story the love it deserves.
| Title: O'Brother
| 17 Feb 2019 8:21 pm
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| Reviewer: Fmh (Signed)
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Thank you an excellent start
And a warm 'welcome back to the family' to you, too. Wow. I adore Severus, but he was out of line here.
--his
And a warm 'welcome back to the family' to you, too. Wow. I adore Severus, but he was out of line here.
--his
| Title: O'Brother
| 07 May 2008 8:55 pm
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| Reviewer: honilee@LJ (Anonymous)
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What a novel concept! I'm looking forward to reading more of your story.
| Title: O'Brother
| 14 Jan 2008 8:35 am
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| Reviewer: Deco (Anonymous)
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You have a nice, easy writing style, a good ear for dialogue, and lots of natural talent. But there are some repeated syntax problems in the story. I scanned it quickly, and I wanted to go back, read it carefully, and point these out, as well as review each chapter, not because I want to be critical, but because I think it is worth the time.
1. “the last of the Princes knocked on the door of the last of the Potters Eileen Prince.” (Need a period or a dash after ‘the last of the Potters’);
2. “Nor James’s” (should be “Nor James’ ”);
3. “Eileen feed him a potion” (should be “Eileen fed him a potion”);
4. “my sweat little boy” (should be “my sweet little boy”)
5. “No you daft, child” (should be “No, you daft child”)
6. “Dursley’s” (should be “Dursleys”. You do this repeatedly throughout. An ‘s makes the word possessive, as in ‘the Dursely’s car’)’
I love this line: "I apologize for being late, but I returned to my home to find it occupied with deatheaters. After... pleasantries and curses were exchanged they set my house on fire. I got out what I could...but... I believe I will need to stay at Hogwarts for the time being." Poor Snape! And nice plot manuvering. I really liked how Dumbledore and Snape did Occlumency/Legilimency with each other. Nice chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks I'm glad you liked it. I hope you take a moment to reread it since this chapter was Beta'd.
| Title: O'Brother
| 25 May 2007 5:42 am
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| Reviewer: Snarky B. (Anonymous)
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I like your plot and your story as a whole is reasonably well written. Your dialogue is good too. However, it feels a bit 'rushed.' It lacks details. I'm not saying it’s a bad story. I like it so far, but it could use a bit of 'fattening up.' Keep writing. I'm curious to see what happens.
Author's Response: I'm glad you like the story and I promise that all the chapters that have been beta'd are much better and not rushed.
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