Great chapter! I loved seeing the trip through different peoples perspectives. Severus is a great big brother.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 19 Feb 2019 9:36 pm
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| Reviewer: Fmh (Signed)
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Thank you a great descriptive chapter
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 23 Jan 2008 7:57 am
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| Reviewer: Deco (Anonymous)
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I really loved the differing POVs here, and how absolutely characteristic they are: Severus is angry at his mother; Serenity thinks it's an adventure; Sirius is torn between looking at Serenity's ass and worrying about his relation with Harry; Moody's brooding about betrayal; Hermoine is analyzing algae and rocks; Ron is worried about the silence; Ginny misses her brothers; Eileen is concerned about the reaction of Tobias and Severus (but typically not Harry, with whom she seems to have no bond whatever); and Tobias is concerned with his sons and the morale of the party. I liked the way he did it.
Harry's reaction, and Severus' attempt to soothe him are very poignant.
lumus (lumos);
make it to(o) obvious;
jaunty--I can't find this in the dictionary; do you mean 'ditty';
Straight (Strait) of Magellan;
structures relect(ed);
then (than) the last;
(4) this is in the story twice, don't know why;
youngest (younger);
quite (quiet) whisper;
full(-)fledged
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 09 Aug 2007 9:01 am
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| Reviewer: krepta (Anonymous)
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wow, it's REALLY good. there are some grammatical errors and such, but I like how you approached the story. Most people make Tobias out to be an abusive distant jerk, which might be true, but you made him a real, caring person. And you didn't make Harry and Snape instantly close, which most people tend to do, and the punishments seem very real rather than just writing them for the sole purpose of punishing somone (i hope you understood that). well, for the most part, good job. UPDATE SOON!!!
I love all the different aspects of everyone. In some chapters I like Eileen, in others, I want to bop her on the head.
I like this story bunches. Thank you for sharing it.
Loved the chapter! I was totally impressed with the way Severus handled Harry but I'll have to admit that I was getting worried there for a second.
Lumos was spelled wrong both times, but was still a good read.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 03 Aug 2007 2:46 pm
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| Reviewer: Becky (Anonymous)
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Your story is okay, but it does have a few plot holes:
For example why does the Riddle house--a muggle home--have a cave entrance magically hidden in its cellar? It's a little too convenient that Snape would know of this escape route and that this cave would be located in their prison. Why would Voldemort have a bolt-hole in his prison? It's not a very good way to keep prisoners. Even Lord Moldy-Shorts can't be that stupid.
Secondly, isn't Harry immune to the imperious curse?
Thirdly, your story has quite a few spelling errors and typos. There's also some grammatical errors (switching your for you're, for example) and a few errors with punctuation. By far, your story isn't the worst I've seen when it comes to typos, but it does need to be edited.
Lastly, your OC's. Giving an original character a believable personality is a hard thing to do. Inserting this OC into a cast of established characters is even harder. You did a good job with Tobias. However, there's something about Eileen and Serenity (Serenity more than Eileen) that I find 'superficial' and 'irritating.'
All in all, you've got a good story started. Good job.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 03 Aug 2007 9:32 am
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| Reviewer: Lady Lupin (Anonymous)
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I'm loving this story! It's just OOC enough to be believable, but in character enough to not make you wanna go "thats not what he would have done!".
And I love your Sev! We all know that under that bad ass outside there's a good man inside, and you wrote it beautifuly.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 03 Aug 2007 5:24 am
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| Reviewer: someone (Anonymous)
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Sorry to criticise, but I can´t understand why everybody is so forgiving about the Imperio. I mean they could have tried a cheering charm or make Harry sleep and then levitate him. Surely there are other possibilities, but everyone just said: It´s bad but the only solution. I don´t understand that.
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