I love all the different aspects of everyone. In some chapters I like Eileen, in others, I want to bop her on the head.
I like this story bunches. Thank you for sharing it.
Loved the chapter! I was totally impressed with the way Severus handled Harry but I'll have to admit that I was getting worried there for a second.
Lumos was spelled wrong both times, but was still a good read.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 03 Aug 2007 2:46 pm
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| Reviewer: Becky (Anonymous)
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Your story is okay, but it does have a few plot holes:
For example why does the Riddle house--a muggle home--have a cave entrance magically hidden in its cellar? It's a little too convenient that Snape would know of this escape route and that this cave would be located in their prison. Why would Voldemort have a bolt-hole in his prison? It's not a very good way to keep prisoners. Even Lord Moldy-Shorts can't be that stupid.
Secondly, isn't Harry immune to the imperious curse?
Thirdly, your story has quite a few spelling errors and typos. There's also some grammatical errors (switching your for you're, for example) and a few errors with punctuation. By far, your story isn't the worst I've seen when it comes to typos, but it does need to be edited.
Lastly, your OC's. Giving an original character a believable personality is a hard thing to do. Inserting this OC into a cast of established characters is even harder. You did a good job with Tobias. However, there's something about Eileen and Serenity (Serenity more than Eileen) that I find 'superficial' and 'irritating.'
All in all, you've got a good story started. Good job.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 03 Aug 2007 9:32 am
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| Reviewer: Lady Lupin (Anonymous)
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I'm loving this story! It's just OOC enough to be believable, but in character enough to not make you wanna go "thats not what he would have done!".
And I love your Sev! We all know that under that bad ass outside there's a good man inside, and you wrote it beautifuly.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 03 Aug 2007 5:24 am
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| Reviewer: someone (Anonymous)
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Sorry to criticise, but I can´t understand why everybody is so forgiving about the Imperio. I mean they could have tried a cheering charm or make Harry sleep and then levitate him. Surely there are other possibilities, but everyone just said: It´s bad but the only solution. I don´t understand that.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 03 Aug 2007 4:48 am
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| Reviewer: JEN77 (Anonymous)
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LOVE HIM!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad!
I loved Severus in the last scene, and in all of them. He really was great in overriding his own discomfort to help Harry. I loved the chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks, I was afriad I ruined the characterization I had developed for him.
| Title: Why The Pelican?
| 03 Aug 2007 4:03 am
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| Reviewer: April (Anonymous)
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This was a really nice chapter. I hated Eileen cast 'imperio' on him, but the reason behind it was understandable. I thought that Severus' action in the end was sweet. It was sweet to see him act the role of the older brother that he is.
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.
I think you did an excellent job of writing Severus in the end. He was still snarkyish but yet he was caring as well. Excellent chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks
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