Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Title: Life With Father 27 May 2007 8:57 am
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Ug, I hate Mary Sue's. I should learn to look for 'OFC' warnings *before* I read a story. I'm disappointed that your story might have one. (Let me guess. Serenity is somehow 'special' and therefore not really a Mary Sue, because you thought of her all by yourself. You even gave her a few token 'imperfections' to try and fool us. A big clue that she's a Mary Sue is the way that you seemed obsessed with her appearance. We have no idea what Tobias looks like, but we know that your Mary Sue has brown hair and blue eyes--something difficult for Snape to see in the dim light of a stormy night. You spent more time describing her appearance than you did with any one else.)

    You need a beta reader too by the way. If you have one, fire them and get one who speaks English.

    Author's Response:

    The first few chapters of my story are not beta'd, chapters 9+ are however. And though you may not believe me Serentiy will not have a huge part in this story for quite sometime. I won't claim that she isn't a Mary-Sue, but despite this chapter and one other she has a minimal part in the story. I only ask that you give her and the story a chance. I haven't had the oppurtunity to post everything I have written on this site, but everything through chapter twelve is posted on fanfiction.net. Here is the exact website: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3487010/1/ 

     As for having an obsesion with Serenity's apperance, she's the first non-snape related character I've had to describe so far, with the other's I tried to allow the readers imagination of what snape looked like to affect both Snape's father as well as Harry's new appearance. As I said before, all that I ask is that you give this story a chance to build.

    Thank you for the review.

    DaughterOfAres.

Title: True Appearances 27 May 2007 7:54 am
Reviewer: 29926 (Anonymous) [Report This]
    'Your' and 'you're' are NOT the same word. This isn't the first time I've seen you make this error in this story. You should think reading over what you write. Despite being an otherwise good story, I gave your story a rating of '5' (average) because of this.

    Author's Response: I apoligize for the typo's, but I now have a beta.
Title: Can't Be Perfect 27 May 2007 3:50 am
Reviewer: lynx_lw (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I like the personality of your Tobias. He seems a very nice person but very strict at the same time, quite fitting.
    It´d be very sad if he gives up on Harry, but undestandable at the same time if he is an old person. I mean teenagers are dificult to dealt; there will be more arguments in the future and fightings too; young people (I include myself ;) are very energetics, they are moving and changing every second, and that`s dificult to follow...
    I´ll be waiting for the next update
    Keep writing
    Lynx_lw

    Author's Response: Thanks. I'm sure you'll enjoy the rest of the story, and thank you so much for reviewing.
Title: Can't Be Perfect 27 May 2007 3:26 am
Reviewer: Alexis8907 (Signed) [Report This]
    Excellent chapter! Shame on Harry though for continuing to argue. Please write more soon!

    Author's Response: Thanks. More is on the way.
Title: Can't Be Perfect 27 May 2007 1:04 am
Reviewer: teddylonglong (Signed) [Report This]
    Wow, exactly what Harry needs :-). I like your story very much - please update soon!

    Author's Response: More is on the way I promise. Also, I agree, Tobias is exactly what Harry needs.
Title: Beyond Doubt 25 May 2007 9:37 am
Reviewer: Alexis8907 (Signed) [Report This]
    Great story so far. Tobias sounds kinda harsh but yet it was very nice of him to tuck Harry in. I'm curious to how Harry will look after his appearance changes. Please write more soon! :)

    Author's Response: Tobias will lighten up a bit, but there is a reason he's strict. Thanks for reviewing.
Title: Beyond Doubt 25 May 2007 6:07 am
Reviewer: Snarky B. (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I like your second chapter much better. It's got a bit more detail, and moves at a slower pace.

    Author's Response: I'm glad you didn't give up on my story after the first chapter. Thank you for the review.
Title: Beyond Doubt 25 May 2007 6:06 am
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I like your second chapter much better. It's got a bit more detail, and moves at a slower pace.
Title: Beyond Doubt 25 May 2007 5:54 am
Reviewer: chmcm (Anonymous) [Report This]
    interesting story. Please keep updating
Title: O'Brother 25 May 2007 5:42 am
Reviewer: Snarky B. (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I like your plot and your story as a whole is reasonably well written. Your dialogue is good too. However, it feels a bit 'rushed.' It lacks details. I'm not saying it’s a bad story. I like it so far, but it could use a bit of 'fattening up.' Keep writing. I'm curious to see what happens.

    Author's Response: I'm glad you like the story and I promise that all the chapters that have been beta'd are much better and not rushed.

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