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Reviews For Brothers and Fathers
Loved the almost identical dismissal she received from Tobias and Severus. Funny ending. Very good story, and your OC's were much the best of it, a very rare occurance in fanfic. Severus's (Severus'); breath(e); Dursley's & Weasley's (are not possessive, yet you got Grangers right in the same sentence yet); eleven-year-old; for a while (awhile); accompanied with (should be 'by'); after saying (good)bye' a couple (of) portraits said (that) they saw him; through (thorough); her youngest (younger); at a run(;) he was run-down(-)looking; as (s)he took a sip; Eileen sat (set) the goblet kittens (kitten's) meow; as (at) his son's horror-stricken Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Elieen and Tobias are probably my favorite characters in this story. Thanks for all the reviews!
Eileen appears to be a very powerful witch. Dumbledore is an extremely manipulative wizard. dialog(ue); Moody & Eileen('s); naval (navel); Weasley's & Dursley's (not possessive); to(o) horrible.
Eileen & Moody and the traps was very funny. parsaltongue (parseltongue); outstretched(ed) hands; creek (creak); quite (quiet) reply;
Harry's reaction, and Severus' attempt to soothe him are very poignant. lumus (lumos); make it to(o) obvious; jaunty--I can't find this in the dictionary; do you mean 'ditty'; Straight (Strait) of Magellan; structures relect(ed); then (than) the last; (4) this is in the story twice, don't know why; youngest (younger); quite (quiet) whisper; full(-)fledged
But...Tobias' joke about Eileen and vulvas is extremely funny but vulgar. In the character that you've drawn for him--very disciplined and upright--I doubt he'd make that sort of comment in front of a female adolescent (Hermoine). You could convey the basic joke sans graphic detail. 'Princess' of course it's a pun, and I'm too dumbass to get it. :) I wondered if this was a pun, too: "I would like to get out of her before I die of old age", but though Tobias and Eileen have the hots for each other, I suspect you meant 'here.' to loss (lose); two(-)syllable; thrown (throne) room; earn you(r) love; willing to give then (them) a try; cloth(e)s; cat(-)like; it(')s (a) pity; cell(')s occupants; "Hissed Severus" and "Said Moody". NEVER capitalize "Hissed" or "Said" in this context. then (than) a rumour; boy(')s shoulder; Eileen(')s actions; parsalmouth (parselmouth) |
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