Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Reviews For What is family?
Title: Chapter 10: The Clash 13 Oct 2007 11:40 am
Reviewer: Becky (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Your story was going well until several chapters ago. You are withholding too much information from the reader. While it's true you don't want to give your plot away too soon, you do want to give enough information to keep your readers from being confused. For example, Harry's capture was very confusing. Harry tried to help Snape, then suddenly the scene 'jumped' to Snape chasing after a car. Things 'jump' again to a rescue and then to Snape's capture. I was too busy trying to figure out what happened to feel any concern for your characters.

    You need to slow down the pace of your story and clarify things. Withholding clues can add suspense to a plot, but you still need to provide the reader with something to work with.

    I strongly recommend that you get a beta reader. A good beta will help you with your plot as well as help you correct the spelling errors. (and yes, you do have quite a few of those in your story.) I learned a lot from my beta readers, and my writing has improved because of them.

    Keep writing

    Author's Response:

    I know, I'm sorry. But I am determined to get better at spelling and grammer if it kills me!  Well... maybe not of it kills me but you get the idea. ^^

    Hmm, withholding too much? You think so?  I only have one writing style but I can give it a shot I guess.  My main problem with all that is that my story is written depending on a character's perspective.  In other words, I can't tell you more than the character knows, you know?  Although DoA mentioned putting more PoV's in the story so I might try it that way.  Hadn't heard that opinion before hun so thank you. ^-^

    *Collapses and whines for the floor* But I'm impatient.... I can't wait several days for a chapter to get back to me I want to post it soon as.... *Ends whining*  Plus, she seems to be pretty busy lately... Maybe I could ask my friend.... *ponders*

    Oh right, review responce!  Thank ya chuckyhun. ^-^ I'll keep writing. And thank you very much for your constructive critisism, I know I can learn much from past mistakes but only if someone cares to point me in the right direction. Lol <3   

Title: Chapter 10: The Clash 20 Aug 2007 7:14 pm
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]
    Wow! Lots happened in this chapter! I like the different style of this- It has a sort of fantasy technology feel to it- very different. Great length!

    You don't have to post authors notes within the chapter though, warning about the gore and such. A warning at the top is sufficient. Authors notes in the chapter jar the readers. It doesn't work well.

    Author's Response:

    Sorry, I meant to get rid of those . . .  I'll drop them though. They're annoying to write too. (only put them there for the really scweamish readers, but I don't think there are any)

     Thank thee hun! Love you too! xXxXx 

Title: Chapter 10: The Clash 20 Aug 2007 7:09 pm
Reviewer: DaughterOfAres (Signed) [Report This]
    I think I reviewed this chapter on ff.net already, but I'll review again here. I really liked this chapter. Especially the parts from Snape's point of view. I can't wait to find out what happens to Snape's father. Hopefully, he'll end up tied to a chair alone in a room with Severus.

    Author's Response:

    O_o . . . There's a sadistic side to you isn't there? . . . ^^;;;

    Thank you hun! Love you much! XxXx


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