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Reviews For Word Up
The scene in the kitchen was excellent and I especially liked the little touch of snark in Severus' "boiling water" comment. I also particularly liked the scene with the mirror. So many writers either have Harry getting over Sirius' death and his feelings of grief and guilt impossibly fast or having him simply wallow in it far past the point of functioning. I think you handled it realistically and sympathetically. Again, bravissimi for an excellent chapter!
Author's Response: Hi Elfwyn! Might I invite you to post after logging in so when I respond, you'll get a notice. At any rate, you're certainly not the first to bring this to my attention, and you have an absolutely valid point. That question demands a rather longwinded explanation however. I'll tell you what I told everyone else. Severus Snape does not see what Harry ‘suffered' as abuse. Clearly, he has his own ideas of what constitutes verbal abuse, which likely doesn't agree with yours or mine. He perceives that Harry was not beaten, which is, to my knowledge, consistent with canon. That is good enough for him. And he didn't particularly care about Harry's feelings at that point. In fact, I think it's consistent to say that he cares very little for the feelings of others in general, and I hope I haven't been misleading in that regard. Though I suppose McGonagall would have flipped out, Snape only steps in when there are beatings. After all the events in this story, he may care a great deal more about Harry's misery, but at the time, he just didn't. I really can't justify writing him any other way. He had far too much going on with his many duties and responsibilities in the war to get himself involved over things like this. He investigated by using Legillimency, on Harry and others. He didn't think this invasion was out of bounds when doing his investigation, nor did he continue the investigation after satisfying himself that Potter wasn't beaten. As for Dudley, he and Harry are the same age. That makes Harry Hunting entirely different. I don't think Snape would think of it as his responsibility to step in and defend Harry from bullies when he's at home in the summer. I mean, no one ever protected him, as far as I know, from James and his friends. I'm not sure he needed all that much protection, seeing as he gave as good as he got. I reckon he thinks that Potter should be able to protect himself from bullies his own age. I suppose I'll always be apologizing to people for the way I write Snape. He's not nice and there are people that just won't like that about him. Not everything he does or doesn't do can be justified. He may be misunderstood, but to say that he's so misunderstood that deep down, he's actually a really very nice guy, just like Remus, is going way too far for me. So far, I've written him as though I approve of him completely, and I'll admit, that as far as his position in the war goes, I do. But while I haven't expounded on the point of his character flaws yet, I've always thought that they were obvious, both from canon and from certain scenes in this story. For example, he rarely, if ever, forgives people. He's a complete jerk to most people. He's a little too tough on Harry and every one else. He has a temper and a contrary nature. And he rarely sympathizes with people. You may, if you wish, hold out hope that he will change and become better. One reviewer once accused me of deliberately writing a Snape that people won't like. My answer is that Snape deliberately doesn't give a damn. And that's what I like about him. Hope you're enjoying the story otherwise. And I hope there are at least some parts of this story that you don't object to. Thanks and enjoy!
much love, Beth Author's Response: Thanks Beth! It’s hard to know if I’m stepping out of character when I write, so it helps a lot to have feedback on that. It’s encouraging. Enjoy!
Author's Response: Ah, Trelawney. It's almost too easy. LOL Thanks for the review and enjoy!
Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you're still reading this! I just answered your other reviews and then this one popped up! Woohoo! I loved those two parts, esp. the Trealawney joke. It's sad, but I laugh at my own jokes way more often than others do. LOL <--see? Anyway, expect much improvement in following chapters and DO be tough on me! I'm loving how much I've learned from everyone here. Y'all might just turn me into a writer yet! Thanks and Enjoy!
Your story is hard to read there's no breaks behind the sentences your paragraphs go on and on and on it just keeps going without pausing long enough for me to process the information you have thrown at me it just keeps going like the Energizer bunny..... Difficult to read isn't it? Okay, I exaggerated with the above example. Your paragraphs aren’t THAT bad. Still, you should split them up. It can be difficult sometimes to decide where to break a paragraph. Try reading your story aloud. The places where you pause is a good indicator that the paragraph should be split there. Despite thinking your story has a lot of potential, this is where I take my leave. I love your dialogue and I like the plot, but your story is too difficult to read. Have a beta reader help you clean up those paragraphs and then re-post your story. You'll have a great story. It's good now, but it can be better. I'd offer my services for being a beta, but can't--I don't have the time. However, sugarquill.net is an entire web site dedicated to providing Harry Potter beta readers. There are other web sites out there too. Keep writing, Kennewick Author's Response: Kennewick, Thank you for your review. It wasn't a bright spot in my day but I understand and appreciate it all the same. I agree with your sentiments and a few others have too. Paragraphs too long...got it. I hope that when they're fixed finally, you'll link to this story again but I appreciate that it might be very distracting in its present form. Thank you for the advice about where to split the paragraphs. Later chapters have shorter paragraphs because of all the great reviews I've gotten. So, if you are still around and you read this, I'd appreciate your take on the improvements that I've made. Thanks, validego
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so much. I'm already working on the next few chapters so expect updates within the next week!
Author's Response: I'm glad that it's believable. I don't mind reading stories where Snape goes out of character if there's a reason for it or a logical chain of events leading up to it. I really think he genuinely dislikes Harry but takes his responsibilities seriously all the same. Good observation. I had to think about it for a while but I really do tell it from a third person trying to describe their thoughts than anything. I'll have to toy around with that. Thanks so much for the review.
Author's Response: The title is actually just the lyrics of a song I was listening to when I was saving the story for the first time. Korn redoing "What's the word up." I've been working on an idea for that title but I haven't written it in yet. Thanks again for the review. I work at a bookstore (Borders) so I'll be extremely busy this weekend and into the next. Tonight's the big party and I'll be working in costume so I won't be updating until probably next week some time, not that anyone's gonna have time to read it anyway with DH coming out. YAY!
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