Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Reviews For Word Up
Title: Chapter 19: Like Comparing Apples and Knives 21 Aug 2007 11:22 pm
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    Nice development of the theme of "soldier" Snape. We often see in this stories where Moody takes this role, but it's more fun to have Snape take the position.

    Author's Response:

    Thanks!  Moody is definitely a warrior.  I won't begrudge him that.  But in all of this, I remind myself that before Snape was a spy, he was a Death Eater.  And before that, he was a dark little Slytherin defending himself against Potter and his buddies and "giving as good as he got."  He learned how to dodge out of necessity.

    Thanks for the review!

     

Title: Chapter 16: Dark Wizards Are NOT Allergic To Love, Potter 21 Aug 2007 10:07 pm
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    ""But truly, this is delicious. Would you like to try some Harry?" Dumbledore held his cup out.

    "Oh, no thanks Professor. I have an allergy to Nightshade.""

    Loved this interaction, and Dumbledore's reaction. And you just keep coming up with fascinating plot elements. The cuneiform tablets weren't just an excuse for a fight, eh? And now Snape has to admit that Harry does have something to offer him. Off to read about the visit with the Weasleys.

    Author's Response:

    Thanks!!!

    In my original outline, they had an argument over something else entirely but then when I finished developing the part of the plot with the Sumerian scripts (more on that later) that all just fell into place.  It was almost like the characters themselves drove that scene.  Snape was working on them and Harry looked through it...it seemed natural for them.

    Your reviews definitely hit on the things that seemed important or fun to me while writing.  Awesome, thanks!

Title: Chapter 14: Everyone Dies 21 Aug 2007 9:26 pm
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    Snape shaved Harry's hair! Snicker, chortle, ha ha! I don't think I've ever seen this before in a fic and it makes SO much sense. ;-)

    And I loved the ending of the chapter. Nice throw-back to the chapter where Snape "tortures" Harry in captivity.

    Author's Response:

    This was my favorite chapter the whole way through.  I'm really glad you liked it.  When I posted it, I cruelly waited a few days to post the next one and I got so many reviews calling me cruel and twisted.  I laughed my ass off for hours!

    Thanks for reviewing!

Title: Chapter 13: Pent Up Aggressions 21 Aug 2007 8:54 pm
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    I kinda like this one, too. ;-) I like the way you are keeping up the theme of the wards and we get more insight into Snape's personality from the stories about this jinxes on the wards at this house. And Snape's need to blow off steam in battle practice is also a wonderful way of showing us what he is feeling.

    Author's Response:

    Thank you!  I loved writing about those wards.  It seemed like the sort of thing he'd do.  Just short of hexing the aurors  ;^)

     

Title: Chapter 12: Hymn of The Sufferer 21 Aug 2007 4:26 am
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    I'm glad Snape and Harry got the big fight over. And I agree that Severus has always wanted respect and never got it. I'm also interested to see how Remus will figure in this story.

    Author's Response:

    Thanks for the review!  That fight seemed HUGE to me when I was writing it but it was rather short.  I just couldn't see Snape continuing to be that angry after Harry's bombshell apology.

    Remus huh?  Well...keep reading!  There's a rough sketch of a plan for everyone.  But it might take a while to get there.  :)

    Thanks and enjoy!

Title: Chapter 10: Zap 21 Aug 2007 2:58 am
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    Yippee! No paragraphs that ate New York! ;-) And you are exactly right about the improvement in the writing. This flowed much smoother, less navel-gazing, and I had a feeling that there was more action, even if there wasn't really.

    I liked the impromptu lesson on wards and the fact that Harry is starting to feel a little more comfortable around Snape--and visa versa.

    Author's Response:

    Score!  Thank you so much for hanging in there! 

    I'm glad you liked the wards.  I had no idea how they worked so I just kind of made that all up and I was worried someone was going to be like...woah!  It clearly states on page 357 of such and such book that wards are created by the sacrifice of lemurs.  LOL

    Let me know what you think of the next chapter!

    Enjoy!

Title: Chapter 9: Rules 21 Aug 2007 2:00 am
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    Loved the twin signs on the hospital wing beds for Severus and Harry. And Snape's joke about Trelawney.

    Author's Response:

    Oh, I'm so glad you're still reading this!  I just answered your other reviews and then this one popped up!  Woohoo!

    I loved those two parts, esp. the Trealawney joke.  It's sad, but I laugh at my own jokes way more often than others do.  LOL  <--see?

    Anyway, expect much improvement in following chapters and DO be tough on me!  I'm loving how much I've learned from everyone here.  Y'all might just turn me into a writer yet! 

    Thanks and Enjoy!

Title: Chapter 6: What's in a Dream? 21 Aug 2007 12:27 am
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    I enjoyed the interaction here. Harry's dream would have driven him to this interaction with Snape and should cause him to do a lot of soul searching later.

    I noticed this amusing mistake, that probably has been pointed out already:
    "Remus felt his heart sore." Should be "soar".

    Author's Response:

    Thanks!  I'm glad you liked that.  I have to admit that chapters six thru nine were not my best work.  Not that I have much work to compare it with.  LOL  This is my first story ever.

    Oops!  I'll go fix that some time before Wed.  Thanks for catching that.  I can just imagine what everyone must be thinking.  Why would Remus' heart be sore?  LOL

     

Title: Chapter 4: Keep Up Or Meet An End 20 Aug 2007 11:41 pm
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    I am really enjoying watching Severus work his plans, and I'm glad Harry had some time to wake up and think before Severus showed up.

    My one nit-pic is that the large bodies of text are a little overwhelming and off-putting. I'm a little tired, and I find myself thinking "Oh, I can't wade through all of that!" ;-) You might also consider working to "show" us what the various characters are feeling rather than "telling" us. Easier said than done, I know.

    Author's Response:

    Thank you!  I mean that.  I posted the first nine chapters in one bunch and then started writing the rest one at a time.  I got a lot of reviews for that first bunch, many of which were very encouraging and instructive.  The most common complaint was my epic sized paragraphs.  I'm very sorry that I haven't changed them yet, but I'm working on that right now actually.  I'll repost the first five chapters tonight with improvements.

    I do understand what you mean about showing rather than telling.  I've really been trying to work on that too.  I promise, if you can make it past chapter nine, there is a HUGE improvement in the writing ( I hope  :) ).  That's when I got all the great reviews and I really took every suggestion seriously.  I'm still improving, so if you read that far (pretty please) let me know what you think of the improvements and if there is anything else that I need to work on. 

    I hope you enjoy the story and I look forward to hearing your thoughts again.  Thanks!!!!!

Title: Chapter 2: From Bad To Worse...Much Worse 20 Aug 2007 10:50 pm
Reviewer: sunsethill (Signed) [Report This]
    This chapter was handled very believably. I can see Harry sassing Dudley and Vernon kicking him out. And the way you have Harry handling the session with the Death Eaters is also believable. He wouldn't give up and I can see him tripping Wormtail so he wouldn't have to take the potion. And he certainly wouldn't trust Snape at this point.

    Author's Response: Thank you!  I'm glad it was believable.  I just couldn't see Harry acting any other way here.

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