|
|
Reviews For Word Up
Author's Response: Thanks! Being in character was one of the things that concerned me. I'm always afraid that every character is just going to end up a charicature of an aspect of myself, so I'm really happy to hear that everyone's in character.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I posted the first nine chapters all at once so I didn't know how distracting the paragraph lengths could be until chapter 10 or so. I'll be going back to fix those early chapters very soon. I'm glad you like my style. I tend to write only slightly better than I speak so it was a concern. But I'm getting there. Thanks.
Your story is hard to read there's no breaks behind the sentences your paragraphs go on and on and on it just keeps going without pausing long enough for me to process the information you have thrown at me it just keeps going like the Energizer bunny..... Difficult to read isn't it? Okay, I exaggerated with the above example. Your paragraphs aren’t THAT bad. Still, you should split them up. It can be difficult sometimes to decide where to break a paragraph. Try reading your story aloud. The places where you pause is a good indicator that the paragraph should be split there. Despite thinking your story has a lot of potential, this is where I take my leave. I love your dialogue and I like the plot, but your story is too difficult to read. Have a beta reader help you clean up those paragraphs and then re-post your story. You'll have a great story. It's good now, but it can be better. I'd offer my services for being a beta, but can't--I don't have the time. However, sugarquill.net is an entire web site dedicated to providing Harry Potter beta readers. There are other web sites out there too. Keep writing, Kennewick Author's Response: Kennewick, Thank you for your review. It wasn't a bright spot in my day but I understand and appreciate it all the same. I agree with your sentiments and a few others have too. Paragraphs too long...got it. I hope that when they're fixed finally, you'll link to this story again but I appreciate that it might be very distracting in its present form. Thank you for the advice about where to split the paragraphs. Later chapters have shorter paragraphs because of all the great reviews I've gotten. So, if you are still around and you read this, I'd appreciate your take on the improvements that I've made. Thanks, validego
I extremely liked Snape's threatening of Mundungus: "You fool, how dare you put MY life at risk by your amazing lack of restraint" It had me laughing. Perfect dialog's for Snape.You have no idea how much i liked him here:). In short your dialogs were very flowing and good..Thumbs up for now Author's Response: Thanks! Your review really made me feel good. I laughed through some of that too. Hope you enjoy the rest!
Author's Response: Harry Potter...trouble. Synonyms right?
Author's Response: Yeah, those dummies were difficult to construct...magically that is. Thanks for the review! I hope I can keep up with the frequent reviews. Most of the stories planned, but parts of it are starting to get difficult to write.
Author's Response: What about our dear Snape would make you fear for Harry's head? Mwuhahahaha But...I guess the question we really have to ask ourselves is, how predictable is Snape?
Your portrayal of Snape is right on. I bet you were thinking of Snape's potions book while writing those comments in the book margins. It's so rare when Snape is caring yet in character, and you've managed it. You have to go on about the ancient Sumerian poem. Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it. I'm relieved that Snape is in character. Writing him as a pleasant, polite person just leaves a bad taste in the mouth. As for the Sumerian poem...well you'll just have to wait and see. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. It's really hard to make these two get along. Hehe Ah, the hazards of writing Snape!
And now, Snape to the rescue... |
|
Powered by eFiction 3.5 |