Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Reviews For Word Up
Title: Chapter 2: From Bad To Worse...Much Worse 27 Jul 2007 9:47 pm
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I like your story so far, but you need to get a beta reader. You have issues with grammar. Don't stop writing though, this story has promise. However, it needs to be edited.

    Also, you may want to break up your paragraphs into smaller chunks. They're very difficult to read, as they're so big. Think of it as trying to listen to someone who rambles on and on without pausing, not even to take a breath.

    In this chapter, your longest 'paragraph' contained over 500 words. It could have been broken down into at least ten paragraphs.

    Take care,
    Rebecca

    Author's Response:

    Thanks for the review! 

    500 words really?!  Ouch.  When I get time, I'll go back and break it up.  Looks like I write like I think.  But I'm working on it.  I worked on the paragraph size in later chapters because of some reviews so I hope you like them better. 

    I'm not sure how to go about getting a beta but if you or someone you know would like to volunteer, let me know. 

Title: Chapter 10: Zap 27 Jul 2007 6:02 pm
Reviewer: shiva87 (Anonymous) [Report This]
    great story
    please update soon

    Author's Response:

    You got it!

    Thanks

Title: Chapter 10: Zap 27 Jul 2007 7:10 am
Reviewer: Alexis8907 (Signed) [Report This]
    Very nice chapter! The spacing of paragraphs and dialouge was nicely done for this entire chapter. It's also nice to know that Snape has Harry's best intrests in mind when he tested the Weasley's wards. Great job so far!

    Author's Response:

    Thanks for the review! 

    I was waiting for your review actually.  I've been careful to watch the length of the paragraphs and the dialogue spaces since you mentioned it.  I like it much better this way too.  Thanks.

    I'm especially glad to hear you like the story still.  A few more chapters and then I promise...ACTION! 

Title: Chapter 10: Zap 27 Jul 2007 6:46 am
Reviewer: KimSpiritTalks (Signed) [Report This]
    Such a satisfying chapter. I really enjoyed seeing that Snape had fought to keep Harry even though others had fought to take him, as well. I'm so thrilled to hear you have another to post. Yay!

    Author's Response: Thanks for the review.  I'll get them posted as fast as I can.  Several are in the works right now and since I tend to write out of chronological order, they'll go faster when I get to later chaps that are already mostly written.  I just realized though...this is going to be a looonnng story!  Yikes!
Title: Chapter 9: Rules 22 Jul 2007 7:52 pm
Reviewer: KimSpiritTalks (Signed) [Report This]
    This is definately one of the better stories out there. I am really glad it was included in the weekend email. Your writing is fantastic and your story, interesting. I hope you get lots of reviews and update soon. :)

    Author's Response: Wow!  Thanks so much.  I'm already working on the next few chapters so expect updates within the next week!
Title: Chapter 9: Rules 20 Jul 2007 7:12 pm
Reviewer: wynnleaf (Signed) [Report This]
    Another good chapter. As regards the inner thoughts... You go about inner thoughts in a more narrative fashion rather than establishing a distinct inner voice for Harry and Snape. Hm. Maybe you have more of a "voice" for Harry's inner thoughts. So far it's worked fairly well. The actual turn that their thoughts take is believable.

    Author's Response:

    I'm glad that it's believable.  I don't mind reading stories where Snape goes out of character if there's a reason for it or a logical chain of events leading up to it.  I really think he genuinely dislikes Harry but takes his responsibilities seriously all the same.

    Good observation.  I had to think about it for a while but I really do tell it from a third person trying to describe their thoughts than anything.  I'll have to toy around with that.  Thanks so much for the review.

Title: Chapter 8: Severus Snape 20 Jul 2007 5:10 pm
Reviewer: wynnleaf (Signed) [Report This]
    I've just been reading your story and am very much enjoying it. This chapter is very much like some theories that I and a few others have toyed with over on the Harry Potter Lexicon Forum. You might like to look on the Forum under the thread Snape As Lone Crusader (you have to scroll down toward the lower third of the threads to the Theories section). We were in particularly trying to reconcile Dumbledore's comments that Snape "rejoined" and "returned" to the good side, and that he referred to Voldemort as Snape's "employer" rather than master. Anyway, it's an interesting idea and actually does work with canon. Until DH tonight at midnight tells us differently (if it does), the idea that Snape was ever a *true* follower of Voldemort is really just an assumption.

    Author's Response:

    Oooh, thanks!  I'll have to check that out.  He's such a forceful character that I couldn't help thinking of him this way.  I'm curious if the thread agrees with my later take on matters.

    More to come but...DH comes out tonight and since I work at a book store AND have to read the book, this week will be hectic.  In fact, I should be getting into costume for the party right now.  Yikes!  Enjoy!

Title: Chapter 9: Rules 20 Jul 2007 7:38 am
Reviewer: Alexis8907 (Signed) [Report This]
    Good start to this story so far. Its good to see Harry thinking before blurting out something that Snape probably wouldn't like. I'm curious about the title of this story... is there a meaning that will be revealed later in the story or something? I hope to read more soon becuase this is quite good so far. :)

    Author's Response:

    The title is actually just the lyrics of a song I was listening to when I was saving the story for the first time.  Korn redoing "What's the word up."  I've been working on an idea for that title but I haven't written it in yet. 

    Thanks again for the review.  I work at a bookstore (Borders) so I'll be extremely busy this weekend and into the next.  Tonight's the big party and I'll be working in costume so I won't be updating until probably next week some time, not that anyone's gonna have time to read it anyway with DH coming out.  YAY!

     

Title: Chapter 8: Severus Snape 20 Jul 2007 6:56 am
Reviewer: Alexis8907 (Signed) [Report This]
    Good informative chapter. They both seem pretty much in character so far.
Title: Chapter 7: Making Plans 20 Jul 2007 6:34 am
Reviewer: Alexis8907 (Signed) [Report This]
    Good chapter! I loved how Snape managed to slip out then Harry ended up sneaking out as well. :)

Disclaimer Charm: Harry Potter and all related works including movie stills belong to J.K. Rowling, Scholastic, Warner Bros, and Bloomsbury. Used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made off of this site. All fanfiction and fanart are the property of the individual writers and artists represented on this site and do not represent the views and opinions of the Webmistress.

Powered by eFiction 3.5