| Title: Arriving in the Past
| 29 Jan 2008 5:08 am
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| Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed)
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Oh no! Poor Harry!! Ah! You really have a talent for ending of chapters! Wow! That's something I lack. :)
This chapter was dialogue heavy. I suggest putting more into thoughts and actions. It's hard to feel like you are in the moment, and the place, when you just hear what is being said.
"Minerva (past)" you should change to "Past-Minerva" and the same with the others. The other way is really hard to read. I felt like I was being constantly jarred out of the story.
I like the plot very much. Just all the information makes it a little difficult to follow, and i wish that here would be more padding with thoughts. :) If it was rewritten, I think I would rate it better.
| Title: Arriving in the Past
| 08 Aug 2007 12:37 am
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| Reviewer: midnight rain (Anonymous)
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AWesome!!! Chapter!!! The last part was funny!!! Please update soon!!!!
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