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Reviews For The Unexpected Visitor
Well I liked how Snape waited and bottled his potions, before visiting Harry. it was nice how he was too curious not to. I do not like the thoughts in the story, they seemed awkward, and strange. You might want to try writing them more like dialogue, as if the person were actually talking to another person. They feel a little random and disjointed the way they are. For example, "Ha, no! Wait where was I?" compared to Harry suddenly felt confused, 'Where am I?'. It has a different voice and feeling. Usually when thoughts are used as dialogue, they use the single quotation marks, like you use, but when they are more like thoughts, they are italicized,. But that's a style thing. I really liked how Snape just walked into Harry's room, saw the bars, and then told Harry to wake up. Not many people have Harry resting like that. Nice ending to the chapter! Author's Response: Thanks for the advice and the review, I hope that the next update is better and you'll feel it too.
Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the advice and now, I do have a Beta-reader. So, I hope that you read my story when it's updated!
Author's Response: I am working on it and thanks for the review. I hope that you'll continue reading.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and yes, I always did like it when Snape's foundations regarding Harry were...wrong. I am glad that you liked the comments.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I hope you read my story however late the updates are.*looks for a place to hide*
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I am extremely sorry for the late response!! I hope you continue to read my story though it's pretty slow. *grimaces*
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, I hope to have another chapter posted today itself. Sooo, I hope that you would read it.
Can't wait to find out what happens next. Thanks for sharing... Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!!! I am a little nervous about the feedback. I had it on other site and there were good reviews so now I have become greedy and I want them more.*smiles* Weellll, Harry is not exactly going to be starved in this story but you would see more of Dursleys in future. Not for a long time, though. |
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