Better structure this time around. Still some difficult passages, but better in general.
The only thing is that we don't know what was so terrible at the Dursleys' house to make Snape take him away and hex Vernon...it wasn't a nice room, and yes, the locks and bars were alarming, but what else? Substance, you know? Not necessarily blood and guts, but a little more depth would be great...
OMG! DD wants to send him there next year? Oh no, not good.
Can't wait to see what happens next.
| Title: Chapter 4
| 02 Jan 2009 8:28 am
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| Reviewer: Kiwi (Anonymous)
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Its hard not to enjoy!
Well in my mind that is, I think I am only a little crazy...
Anyway I think you have done Snape very well!
I'll be waiting more!
what a great story this is so far, i am glad snape went to fetch harry and take him away from his relatives, did anyone go and deal with the curse vernon was under?. i wouldn't want to be dumbledore at this moment as snape is in a foul mood now
| Title: Chapter 4
| 25 Jun 2008 10:00 pm
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| Reviewer: ReginaCaeli (Anonymous)
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I really enjoy this story so far,it has a good plot is well organized and I always like Snape mentors Harry fics.
Please update ASAP
what a great start to a fic, having harry rescued from the dursleys and snape caring about harrys feelings when they were chatting on the bench and at his house, i hope severus gets through to dumbledore and i hope dumbledore listens to some sense
I think it would probably be prudent for you to know that most people put thoughts in itallics rather than single quotes. It makes it easier to distinguish the thoughts from the rest of the story. Single quotes can easily be missed.
| Title: Chapter 4
| 27 Jan 2008 3:51 am
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| Reviewer: Adams Sunshine (Anonymous)
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Oh my gosh, I am loving this story. Please update soon.
| Title: Chapter 4
| 09 Jan 2008 9:12 pm
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| Reviewer: Elfwyn (Anonymous)
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