Yes, I'll review, but I'm not sure you'll like what I have to say...can't help it, though, as a professional proofreader.
I think you are off to a good start storywise, but your sentence structure is unfortunately so unintelligible that I'm having a lot of trouble reading this story. You have double verbs in many sentences, lots of redundancy. It is making me want to stop reading already.
I will continue on with one more chapter, to give you the benefit of the doubt, but your beta is not keeping you from making any mistakes at all, to say the least...
Oh, that story is really REALLY Great! I love the interaction between Harry and Snape , and the persons seams in character, well done, thank you
please update soon
I'm really pleased that you've decided to go on with this story as it promises to be good!! But i'm going to hold you to these weekly updates *checks calendar hmmm next one by 29th?* hehehe
OMG! DD wants to send him there next year? Oh no, not good.
Can't wait to see what happens next.
Oh, I guess Snape was actually nervous about where Harry was. Too cute.
So, we can look forward to weekly updates. Great. Good luck by the way, because I just started writing fanfiction myself.
This is a nice beginning.
Too cute. Harry doesn't like being called a little boy.
At least Harry gets to drink a nice glass of milk, which I'm sure that he hasn't got very often with the Dursleys.
Hmm, ok so maybe if I review, it'll clear up my stuffy nose? LOL!
So Snape terrorized the Dursleys! Yippee! He should have left them in a full body bind! I'm glad that Harry's out of there though; although, I'm not sure sure whether he's going from the frying pan to the caludron! Looking forward to more.
Nice start. I'm looking forward to where you're going with the story. I wonder what Snape thinks now of the supposedly spoilt Potter!
| Title: Chapter 5
| 23 Apr 2009 3:42 am
|
| Reviewer: missny1 (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Am really enjoying the story. It's getting interesting with the Snape-Potter Guardianship. I hate the Dursleys. Looking forward to the next chapter.
| Title: Chapter 4
| 02 Jan 2009 8:28 am
|
| Reviewer: Kiwi (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Its hard not to enjoy!
Well in my mind that is, I think I am only a little crazy...
Anyway I think you have done Snape very well!
I'll be waiting more!
|