I kind of like this - it needs some work, but I think it's great that you are trying to write a story. We all need to start somewhere, and the fact that you make time to write says that you want to improve. And in the end, you should always write because you enjoy it.
As I tell all my students, the more you write the better your writing gets. If you find yourself having a lot of typos, print your work and try reading it in hardcopy. My own work always has a few mistakes that I cannot see - I go back later and fix those, and you can do the same. Just keep at it. And email me if you have any serious questions.
I did like the part where Snape told Harry to drink his milk because that's what all little boys do. It's sort of like what I tell the children I nanny for - "Time for bed because kids need sleep."
Please keep writing.
| Title: Chapter 1
| 11 Nov 2007 4:26 am
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| Reviewer: Snarky Becky (Anonymous)
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Your story would be a lot better if you took the time to read over it and correct the typos. You should also get a beta reader to help you with your spelling and grammar.
Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the advice and now, I do have a Beta-reader. So, I hope that you read my story when it's updated!
| Title: Chapter 2
| 09 Nov 2007 11:31 pm
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| Reviewer: ER (Anonymous)
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It could be a little more organized. It seems in some places that there are words missing. Good start though. Keep writing!
| Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Nov 2007 11:01 pm
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| Reviewer: pottersprincess (Anonymous)
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Good try, but you need to work on your organization, the narrative style is distracting because it jumps all over the place.
Author's Response: I am working on it and thanks for the review. I hope that you'll continue reading.
| Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Nov 2007 3:54 pm
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| Reviewer: mamaduck (Anonymous)
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A very good start. I always like to see Snape's illusions about Harry's life dismantled. The comments from the portraits re Dumbledore and Slytherin were funny - and appropriate for his actions. Write more, post soon! Mamaduck
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and yes, I always did like it when Snape's foundations regarding Harry were...wrong. I am glad that you liked the comments.
fantastic start. very curious about where this will go next. update soon. Luv Trueangelofdark
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I hope you read my story however late the updates are.*looks for a place to hide*
| Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Nov 2007 12:37 pm
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| Reviewer: topaz (Anonymous)
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Ooh! Severus saves the day! Hope so!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I am extremely sorry for the late response!! I hope you continue to read my story though it's pretty slow. *grimaces*
Great beginning, I'm excited to know what happens next!
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, I hope to have another chapter posted today itself. Sooo, I hope that you would read it.
Good start to your story. I loved the fact that Snape was indignant that the Dursley's would lock Harry in his room. Who thought that would ever happen? Wait until he finds out that they practically starve him as well.
Can't wait to find out what happens next. Thanks for sharing...
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!!! I am a little nervous about the feedback. I had it on other site and there were good reviews so now I have become greedy and I want them more.*smiles* Weellll, Harry is not exactly going to be starved in this story but you would see more of Dursleys in future. Not for a long time, though.
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