I really enjoyed your opening chapter! It was very well written. I know this story hasn’t been updated in ages, but I’m looking forward to reading what you’ve written anyway :)
| Title: Chapter 1
| 17 Dec 2016 7:55 pm
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| Reviewer: Fmh (Signed)
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Very interesting start, Ron does not come out of this too well.
Interesting start so far. I'm really looking forward to reading more!
This has most definitely caught my interest. ^^
Excellent premise though Ron wants a swift kick up the ****.
Poor, Harry. And won't he be pleased with the news of who will be looking after him?
Enjyed this first chapter.
This story sounds like it will be very entertaining, please post the next chapter soon!
This has great potential. One point, however. Dumbledore was present when Ron asked Harry not to come with them and Harry agreed. Yet he is depicted as being ignorant of this which doesn't make sense. If DD didn't overhear the boys' conversation (unlikely as they were standing a few feet from him) then you need to make this clear and Harry shouldn't wish for DD to intervene.
Alternately, if DD did hear the conversation, "We don't have time for this, Harry," is out of place. Something along the lines of, "Harry has his reasons," would be more in character. Also, Dumbledore shouldn't have "suspicions" about Harry's reasons, but should simply choose not to tell MM.
Recipe for disaster in so many ways, putting poor Harry and Snape together like that. But, it truly makes for a good story, doesn't it? Can't wait to see what you have planned for our two favorite boys. Thanks!
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