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Reviews For Never Say Remember
Author's Response: I know—the dreaded cliffie. :) Since you were so involved in the story, I guess I'll let you off the hook on individual chapter reviews. ;) Thanks for commenting!
Please, please update soon! (By the way, how could anyone rate this chapter ANYTHING but 10??) Author's Response: Aw, thanks! To be honest, I wasn't completely happy with this chapter, so I wouldn't have rated it a ten myself. On the other hand, I'm a perfectionist. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! I loved writing the humor in the conversations between Harry & Snape. I know the cliffhanger is evil, but I just had to end there. Sorry!
Author's Response: Thank you! I've worked hard on improving my action scenes. I've had a few people tell me that Harry is bratty, and I have to agree he isn't as outspoken in the books...but to be honest, he rarely has an emotional reaction in the books (except for OotP, which you mentioned), and that bothered me. So I took a little license there, since a truly canon Harry would just observe the events around him without having an emotional connection to them. I think Rowling did that so that anyone and everyone could identify with Harry--he was a pair of eyes so that we could watch the mystery unfold. But I wanted a more specific individual with emotional conflict, and someone who was willing to express those feelings. I tried to show Lily being angry with herself rather than crying or something else that was a too predicable (and stereotypically female) reaction. Severus and James both loved her because she *wasn't* like all the other girls, so I couldn't see her reacting in a traditionally female way. But in any case, I'm planning on taking another stab at this chapter when I can find some time, so I'll take a look at the things you mentioned. Thank you for your input!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I think I'll go back at some point and re-write a few sections. Weird how I didn't notice the awkward mood shift myself. Maybe I need to re-read my own fic so I can remember the emotional tone of the previous chapters. Anyway, thank you for the review and the offer! :D
but wah, the cliffhanger... more pls soon!!! Author's Response: I'll do my best! Thanks for the review! :)
Author's Response: Can't comment on what may or may not happen...spoilers. :D Snape and Harry were just designed to interact with one another, weren't they? :) Thank you for your thoughts on the story!
Author's Response: Thank you! Lucius was due for a dressing-down...so to speak. I tried to slip Pettigrew in there so it wouldn't be too obvious. Harry's still sorting things out. At fourteen, it's his main occupation. :)
"It's a weird thing--the better I get as a writer, the more I hear about what's wrong with my writing." The worst thing to hear after offering a story up for dissection is silence: it means the reader can't think of anything good to say, or there are so many issues they don't know where to begin. As a writer gets better, the critique tends to become more and more specific until you reach the point where they say nothing at all again... this time because they're speechless w/*joy*. :D "You should have seen my action scenes before I started writing NSR: snoozeville." You definitely carried the feeling of urgency all the way through, in spite of how I felt about the tone, which is saying something. "I wasn't sure about that "D--". I hope readers feel that the characters have "earned" it, by this point." I think Harry said it not because Snape earned it, but because he was desperate, and maybe he wouldn't have said it in other circumstances... of course, now that he's said it once, it will be far easier for him to use again... "I wanted it to be a tentative thing, a cry for safety..." That was exactly how I saw Harry's reaction, so you were dead-on. "I was never happy with this chapter, but I finally got tired of staring at it..." *sympathizes* Don't you have a beta, though? *checks* No?! Seriously? You should get a beta. As much as I adore seeing the finished product all shiny and ready, I offer up my services if you so choose. "I was going for an Indiana Jones-esque feel, where the mood is lighthearted even when the stakes are high." I.J. is great at that! It's hard to put my finger on why that didn't work for me, here; but if I had to guess I'd say that your story is generally serious with some lighthearted moments. I.J. is the other way around. Making a scene like the kidnapping of your protagonist be *funny* would probably only succeed in a story that was primarily humorous or even farcical in tone. "Of all the things that were bothering me about this chapter, "too slapstick" was not something I'd considered." What really bothered you? The Snape/Harry interaction? It came off smelling like a rose to me. :) "I need those fresh sets of eyes for that very reason." *tentatively offers up beta skills* -K Author's Response: As much as I like getting extra reviews, I should tell you that you can e-mail people via their profile. Click on the "contact" link at the top of the profile, and type in the text box at the bottom of the screen.
Erm, most of what I have to say is gush except, how could you leave us with that cliffhanger? Author's Response: I know! I'm evil. It was just the logical place to end. Just think happy thoughts until the next update. :)
Now that the squee is over and done with... I loved Harry's difficulty with mode of address, especially the 'D-' at the end. His assertion that Snape is using him as a 'hobby' or to keep his parenting skills fresh was perfect: petulant and hurt and he's plainly still raw from that whole scene in the garden. It seems Harry finally understands Snape's relationship towards the other Harry, at least on a gut level. But he also isn't sure whether to trust that gut feeling, or, in fact, whether that affection transfers wholly to *him*: whether Snape sees him as some sort of copy of (or substitute for) his 'real' son, or as a boy unique in and of himself, or even as the *same* as his own child... It's also interesting that Harry's learning Potions with more fervor, and catching on to some of Snape's Slytherin wiles. I keep on having a mental picture of the Snape in the other universe thinking to himself, *yes, I can get along with *this* Harry, but I'm well aware that the HP I know is actually quite different...* All the while, canon!Harry is becoming more and more like Severus's son. Now, for the CC. I hesitate, here, because this archive is... well, not *known* for its CC: the common P&S reviewer seems to praise the best aspects of a tale without pointing to that with which they disagreed. Still, this was jarring enough that I feel like I do need to comment; and also, you seem to be an author whose writing is mature enough to stand up to a little tweaking. So. The action was *very* involving, but more than a bit on the slapstick side for a scene with such an ultimately serious conclusion. It seems odd that Lily would stop to laugh and comment and that Snape would stop to be embarrassed about the whole covered-in-batter bit: if I were Snape, I would be completely and utterly focussed on removing the Portkey from Harry, rather than on my own pride. However, you created a scene in which these things had to happen in order to maintain the lighthearted tone you carried through from beginning until end. Why choose such a tone for a scene in which Harry is evading capture by his worst enemy? In terms of tension, I'd say Harry's evasion of and ultimate capture by Voldemort's forces felt somewhat similar to that towards the end of Book 5, when Harry and Co. are running through the Department of Mysteries searching for Sirius. Imagine if Rowling had gone for slapstick in those scenes and you'll have an idea why this aspect of your chapter was so jarring for me. Don't get me wrong, still liking enormously and waiting with bated breath for every installment. And hoping you're the type who actually enjoys CC rather than indiscriminate worship. ;) -K Author's Response: CC is fine--I'm in a writer's group where the majority of what I get is CC. It's a weird thing--the better I get as a writer, the more I hear about what's wrong with my writing. ;) But of course, this is all good--half the reason I write fanfic is to improve my skill (the other half is because it's fun). You should have seen my action scenes before I started writing NSR: snoozeville. But I was forced to learn how when I realized an upcoming chapter depended on good action. So I read up on it and practiced until I wasn't falling into a coma whenever an action scene popped up. Seriously--writing this has been better than getting a creative writing degree in terms of my writing improvement. I wasn't sure about that "D--". I hope readers feel that the characters have "earned" it, by this point. I wanted it to be a tentative thing, a cry for safety, and not have Harry be all, "James who?" I was never happy with this chapter, but I finally got tired of staring at it, and figured I'd strung readers along far enough with the lateness of my update. Only one scene survived from the original rough draft of this chapter, so this is like a second rough draft that never gelled to my satisfaction. I'm not sure how to fix the mood issue--I was going for an Indiana Jones-esque feel, where the mood is lighthearted even when the stakes are high. I think I need to step away for a few days, and then maybe go back and re-edit. But I appreciate your take on it. Of all the things that were bothering me about this chapter, "too slapstick" was not something I'd considered. I need those fresh sets of eyes for that very reason. |
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