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Reviews For A Shocking Discovery
I love this story very much, and I'm totally looking forward to the next segment. I'm also very grateful that y'all are writing such lovely stories for us to read! Having said that, I don't think this was your best chapter. I didn't enjoy it as much as I usually do, and I've managed to pinpoint why not. In many of your chapters, the actions and emotions feel very raw—and thus realistic, considering the circumstances. For some reason, this time Harry's thoughts seemed rather...mmm...I can't think of the word. Pedantic, maybe? Not entirely genuine, at any rate. I felt the same thing when Lupin was telling his story. I guess the piece of advice that I would like to offer is that you let your character's actions tell the story. Don't walk us through long explanations like Lupin's, or a step-by-step train of thought like Harry's—explanations are good, thoughts are good, but implication goes a long way. I hope this advice was helpful, and I can't wait for the next installment! Author's Response: Thank you Verdad for your comprehensive review. I hope your family's move went well and that you are all settled in now. I am honoured that you used some of your obviously precious internet time reading my story. I am sorry that you didn't enjoy the chapte very much though. I am not totally sure what the problem is becuase I have often used quite a lot of introspection...either Sev or HArry, even DD and now Lupin, thinking in great depth about their problems and their past and how they wish to go on. In fact, I have often wondere whether I had too many scenes like that, but most people seem to love them.
Still, I will take your advice on board and try to rectify my mistakes. As far as Lupin goes though, I don't really see how I could have got his history with Lily across without him telling the story to Sev and DD. Anyway, I hope you like the next chapter better. ~Lesley~
Author's Response: Thanks for another review. Glad you're enjoying it so much and I think you will be surprised at some of the interaction next chapter. Till then, ~Lesley~
Trusts in Dumbles is so complete that he need not fear what would happen if he lost control in front of him, whilst I'm sure that he would never perform the crucituis curse (Its not within his character to be that brutal, at least that is not when he isn't consumed by power- ((see Grindwald incident DH)) he is a manipulative old sod he keeps his cards close to his chest and I don't doubt that he would go so far as to forbid Snape to be alone with Harry if he thought him violent, and as its not in his interests to lose control in front of a man he's scared of -yes he I think he's scared of Dumbledore- I mean if Voldie is, his lieutenant surely must be too, at least when that person believes that death isn't the worst thing to befall one!!! And Especially given the tricks he fought voldie with in the atrium of the ministry- *Gulp* even I wouldn't want to cross an angry Dumbledore!!! Anyway I digress, your right though the situation one finds oneself in greatly determines the way one thinks and the subsequent actions one performs. I suppose only those who find themselves faced with fatherhood in such bizarre circumstances and to be the father of somebody to whom your relationship basically has been formed and developed on mutual hatred, animosity with a large dob of resentment, is a situation very few of us ever land in, so given these circumstances it is plausible to see old Snape well and truly lose it (oh and you write it so well). I'm not sure that your use of Harry getting a cold was a very subtle plot device, although it probably vital to a storyline you've got brewing away in your cauldron and haven't shown yet :) may be Harry has hay fever! Lol, and your trying to convey the worry of a new fledging father, or that Harry and Snape are just unable to really overcome their history and act like father and son, especially when they're not in the fullest sense of the word. I wonder what it is about blood that can cause such a life changing paradigm shift, that can turn the world upside down and make family out of enemies? Oh well, don't answer that, I think it was rhetorical. Well I'm sorry to offer another rant, and I'm not even sure that this one made anymore sense than the last! feel free to ignore, LOL. I just find the whole human psyche fascinating and love exploring the subtle shifts of emotion and plot. Thanks Cecilia Author's Response: Hmm, Cecilia, I have to say I'm a little confused. In your last review I got the impression that you liked DD, but this reply puts that impression to rest. Yes, DD keeps things close to his chest but it is obvious throughout the books that the man has a huge burden to bear. The wizarding world look to him to help keep them safe. Severus feels safe around DD because he is a friend and he knows it. I don't understand people who lump DD in the same basket as Voldemort and, in your case Grindelwald confuse me enormously. If your reference to Grindelwald and DD is about what he nearly did as an eighteen year old...well, all I can say is that he very quickly learned the error of his ways, didn't he? And from that time onwards, he fought for Muggle rights and the rights of other magical creatures. Why doesn't 130 odd years of doing good cancel out 6 weeks of madness? Madness that never came to fruition. And even if he and Grindelwald had begun to put their plans into action, DD would have very quickly baulked at the tactics G was willing to use in his plans for wizard dominance. Just because a person has amazing power does not mean that they are bad. And as for forbidding Sev from seeing HArry...well, that just wouldn't happen, mostly because he would not have the power to keep a father from his child. He would find a way if it was obvious that Sev was going to continue with his cruelty towards HArry, but he can see that Sev is making an effort. He wants the relationship to work because both Harry and Sev need it. In case you don't realise, I like DD, and so does Severus, though the man does irritate the hell out of him more often than not. Sev and DD know each other and are fond of each other (in my world) and respect each other for what they are. As for the cold, that is just a cold ultimately. And colds can come on very fast. I know. I have just had one. I was OK one minute and the next I was sneezing, eyes streaming and had the beginnings of a headache. I think Harry might just have been stressed enough to ignore any feelings of illness that might have been creeping up on him that morning. As for what is it about blood etc...well, just ask all the pure blood wizards out there. It seems that you think the whole premise of the story is stupid. I do agree, it is a stretch, but hey, this is a work of fiction and wholly my imagination. Sev might very well have been able to ignore the tenuous blood link, but there are other factors at work...his love for Lily and the inescapable fact that he and Harry are related anyway. Anyway, I will finish my rant now...we both seem to be in a ranting frame of mind. LOL. Thank you for this reply. It's fascinating the different ways everyone looks at and feels about the various chapters.
PS I hope Severus got jealous when Harry hugged Remus so heartily. Mila
Author's Response: Hi Alexis. No, Snape is not a very happy camper at the moment. But in my little HP world, Sev has been making the wolfsbane for Remus at DDs request seem as they are both in the Order. Thanks for reviewing again. I can always count on you. ~Lesley~
Author's Response: Hi Cecilia, Thanks for your very in-depth review. I love getting the long ones.About Sev losing control and throwing the glass...in my little world, that little display was just a case of the straw that broke the camel's back. It was Sev's way of showing that he has had enough of everything--Dumbledore, Lupin, the Dark lord, fear, trying to learn how to be a parent to a child that you have never liked--get the idea. He can't throw glasses in the presence of the Dark Lord. He knows he can do anything in front of Albus and not be hit with the Cruciatis Curse or the Killing Curse. it's his turn to be the belligerant child. Why should Harry have all the fun? oh, yeah, my Sev tends to lose himself a litle too much in the bottle when he is stressed. We saw that earlier. Watch for that habit coming back to bite him on the bum later. Glad you like my DD. I do try to keep my characters as close to canon as I can considering the circumstances of the story would never have happened in canon. Thanks so much for reading. Hope to hear from you again. ~Lesley~
That's good that you've got Lupin back on staff. If Severus can sink his pride, Lupin may be able to help him and Harry realize that their relationship can be of great benefit to both of them. Good chapter! Author's Response: Thanks for you review JoliGSD, You're absolutely right. The path ahead is going to be a very rocky one for my two heroes. But I promise, they will get there...one day. I couldn't have a story without Remus. I know he has been scarce up to now, but I always intended that he have a major role. I love him too much to leave him out. And as Sev is traversing that very rocky path, he may find that he does need Remus's help and advice. Harry is quite a handful after all. Two heads are better than one, at least when it comes to dealing with certain unruly behaviours from a 16 year old, headstrong boy. Keep reading and enjoying. ~Lesley~
I loved the bit at the beginning with Harry referring to Severus as the 'the old cheese' LOL and struggling to figure out what to call Severus. It was really sad to see them together in Dumbledore's office having to be mean to one another. That's gonna get really old, really fast. Ah well. That's the fun of these types of stories, I suppose. I like that Albus basically said Remus can be Severus' confident. LOL That's gonna work out real well... I like that you've added Harry's changing looks and especially the similar cadence of voice. Brilliantly done. That was a really fun chapter, as of course you know I adore Remus. Oh, and I liked the little details of Harry looking to Sev to know what to do and Severus telling him he can't have mead and filling his plate like a 2 year old. That made me giggle. Wonderfully done and I CANNOT wait to see their chat up next. Come one, bring on the angst, Lesley!!! Author's Response: Thanks tabitha, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm sorry not to have Sev and Harry 'chatting' after the storm, but I have something lined up for that and I'd still be writing the chapter if i included it in this one. Did you like how Remy turned the tables on Sev by informing DD that Sev had been the ragged one when they were in school? Let's face it though, he did deserve to be set down after his dig about Remus cadging food and looking more ragged than usual. I loved writing the 'what do i call him' segment. Do you use the expression, 'the old cheese' at all in America. It's quite common here. I actually asked my 20 year old son if he had any nicknames but he said he just refers to his father as 'the old man' to his friends. Poor Harry doesn't know whether he is Arthur or Martha with the way Sev treats him. Of course he caught on quickly enough that it was just an act, but he was still hurt. His feelings are pretty raw. He will be pleased that Remus knows and that they won't have to pretend around him. And yes, Sev took to the suggestion of using Remy as a sounding board really well. Heehee. I was so happy that I thought of the 'voice' thing. That just came to me out of the blue...a very nice gift from my muses. Of course, we all think of Alan Rickman when we think of Sev's voice but I have another reference as well. I have all of the British audio books read by Stephen Fry and he does Snape superbly. His voice is even richer than Alans, so I think of alan when I picture Sev, and I hear Stephen when I imagine his voice. I have heard the American version of OOTP audio book read by Jim Dale (I think) and I have to say, he is not a patch on Stephen Fry. Anyway, I thought that the voice was a good way to go for Remus because of course, he has the superior hearing of the wolf. I also made a big deal of Sev's voice in SSATM as you know, but I think we all think of Snape as having a nice voice even without the movies and audio books because of how he holds his first years practically mesmerised with his introductory speech. I also picture Sev as having the fine eyebrows (which harry has inherited), and the high cheekbones (ditto). The meal seen had me giggling while i was writing it, I have to say. Sev will get some experience in looking after a toddler, after all. Heehee. I do try to get my updates out faster, but with the two stories, it's hard. Still, I will try. Thanks heaps for the review. ~Lesley~ |
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