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Reviews For No Difference
Seeing Snape and Harry finding themselves on the same side in their deception, hating it but unable to escape, delights me. Please keep writing. This story is awesome and I'm eagerly waiting for more. Author's Response: Thank you! As I said in an earlier review, Harry’s starting to feel for Lily and Remus… I love putting those two in an uncomfortable position, he same one, preferably.
I'm also going to be interested to see where you're going with Harry and Ginny. I used to love H/G until Rowling blew it for me. At this point in your story, I see almost as much trouble for Harry in his relationship with Ginny as with Snape. And I can see you going several directions with said relationship. Keeps things interesting. ;-) Author's Response: Thanks, I’m glad you like it. Heh, they’re just beginning to realize what being related means, and they don’t like it. Yeah, a relationship in which things run smoothly isn’t interesting, or terribly realistic, is it? Harry/Ginny will be a big part of the story in a conflict sort of way. Subconsciously, I may be trying to make the epilogue less saccharine.
For the rest it's great! (but I thought I'd just point this thing out). Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, that is a big mistake, thanks for pointing it out.
And how very Snape-like for Prince to figure out who Harry is protecting. Author's Response: Scary isn't it? They had an apprentice and didn’t even realize it. Thanks ,I'm glad you thought so. I think Harry's starting to feel for Lily and Remus though...
A few mistakes to point out: putting the names and achievements of his fellow victims of intellectual robbery I the two columns. --“in the two columns” With a sigh he piled the notes and journals his teaching bag to peruse as his students worked instead of grading papers. --“in his teaching bag” (have something against "in"? XD) “I heard Parvati telling Lavender that Snape cornered you outside the prefects’ bathroom” she told him, taking away the pastries and eating one herself. “Bad luck, that.” --she knows Prince is Snape? Harry and Snape couldn’t help but turn to each other and share a bemused glance before they caught themselves and looked down. --do u mean bemused here or amused? Snape said with a small smile that boded very badly for the state of Harry’s nerves --“boded” is used incorrectly here. It’s a transitive verb, so needs an object. Ginny is so... I want to shake her and yell, "What's your problem?" If she had done the pranks to Snape, I might still somewhat understand, but she is doing it to someone who is supposedly a new professor at school. Granted, he's mean and nasty, but that doesn't give her the right to destroy school property just to get at him. I must say, I dislike her very much right now. I think the last line of this chapter is very effective. It hints at a whole myriad of emotions that Harry is feeling without outright painting it. It allows the readers to fill in the blanks of why exactly Harry may feel flattered, and why he may feel appalled. Flattered, because Snape (no matter if he is the son or not) is actually acknowledging him, and appalled because Harry doesn't want someone like Snape to acknowledge him. It's quite complicated, and utterly understandable. Author's Response: Thanks, very subtly, but it does shift. I hate “in”, it’s a foul little word, and my spell check corrects it to “I” when my “N” skips. Yeah, someone else caught the Snape one, and I banged my head into a table when I realized I did that. That was bad. Bemused as in “are there light bulbs following him, or am I hallucinating?” Harry may have forewarning, but I’m sure it’s an odd thing to see. “It boded ill for him” is correct, so my sentence is the same way. The smile boded for nerves. Ginny is the sort who gets so caught up in the brilliancy of her plans that she forgets things like destroying school property. She’ll learn. As it happens, I don’t like her much either, but I don’t have to like her for her to be believable. Thanks, I’m rather proud of that line…
Author's Response: Thank you, I’m glad you liked that. Snape is misunderstood, but he’s also chronically misunderstanding of everyone else. And Harry’s delightful to play with.
Author's Response: I know Harry knew best how to work within the trio and he was afraid for Ginny, but he really shouldn't have left her behind, because that is not the way one treats an equal, is it? She has a lot of lingering resentment. Hermione's natural inclination towards nosiness has run unchecked, because during the war and its preceding years, it was so terribly useful, but now, she's having trouble changing, and I’m glad you like that Harry showed to her exactly what she was doing.
I really liked poor Ginny feeling left out as well. That's going to come back and bite Harry when he least expects it, I'm sure. Good job - as usual. Author's Response: I debated having harry point out Hermione’s real reasons to her, actually, going back and forth, saying “does he realize that about her?” and then I thought, he’s spent a lot of his school years around her and he’s reasonably intelligent, he has to know. Oh yes, Ginny’s resentment will cause all kinds of trouble. Thank you for the review, and I’m glad you liked the chapter!
Haha. And everyone loves praise! But I don't want you to get a big head over there, so I'm taking your story apart with a fine toothed comb. XD Author's Response: No, Ginny isn’t terribly transparent, and we saw that in canon when she still had a crush on Harry but was dating other boys. As to the last line, Misery loves company, doesn’t it? Praise is like candy, constructive criticism is like medicine. I’m glad you like the ending better now.
Before I talk more about the chapter, though, a few errors to be corrected: "All she could determine was what they made most likely, and it drove her mad." -made most likely what? "She couldn’t figure anything else out even is she was Hermione." -even if "and Ron, who had no idea what they might be feuding about tried to make peace even as they pretended for him that nothing was wrong." -comma after "feuding about" (optional) "she felt it even ore strongly." -more Okay. Now to the chapter. You've got some interesting psychological insights about the characters here. Harry has grown slightly more mature in this chapter when he finally realizes that not everything is about him. He learns that the secret he is keeping concerns more people than just himself. His ability to see past himself marks a great development in his character. In the previous chapters, all he can think about is how things concern him. Even when he was with Eileen, his primary concern was himself, which was probably why he came off as a bit callous. But he's learned a little something in this chapter, so that's good. Hermione is also depicted in an interesting way. It's true that Hermione's desire to know everything has been helpful in the past, but in someone's private business, she really does come off as a bit nosey. It's an interesting illumination of her character. I can ostensibly see her trying to convince Harry that it's important for her to know, and using "for the sake of others' safety" as an excuse. The incident reveals Hermione to have her faults as well--faults that she may not realize that she has. It also helps in developing Harry's character, for he has matured enough to begin thinking for himself and figuring out the motives of other people. You've also developed Ginny's character a bit in this chapter, though I have a bit more of a bone to pick with her development. But let's first talk about what kind of character you've developed her into. Ginny is still rather...mean. There's this pushiness to her that borders on frightening. However, there is a part of Ginny that I can sympathize with. Her frustrations on always being left out "for her own protection" or whatnot is depicted well in the scene in the Great Hall. The trio get up and leave, not giving her any clue what they're going on about, despite her being(?) Harry's girlfriend. It's a frustrating situation, and I can understand what she's thinking. However, the end of the chapter isn't done very well. The exposition is a bit too long. You've done more "telling" than "showing", which is a very dangerous thing to do. It usually makes the story weaker. In one of my classes, the Professor kept on pounding into our brains the mantra "show, don't tell." The concept you have of always being kept out is reasonable for Ginny. However, describing in two paragraphs how Ginny has always been left out is a bit much. It would probably be more effective if you only hint at the possible reasons, and let the readers piece the rest together themselves. Right now, the end reads rather like a list. Earlier in the chapter, you can understand Ginny's feeling about being left out without the long exposition (I'm referring to the Great Hall scene). If you want to emphasize Ginny's feelings some more, I would suggest a scene that actually shows Ginny being left out, rather than describing it. I know it's kind of hard, what with most of her brothers not even being in Hogwarts anymore to demonstrate the point, but I'm sure you can figure something out. And I'd like to thank you for your reply to the review last time. It was helpful in understanding the subtext of the last chapter. You were writing for one thing, and I was reading for another--obviously that didn't work out too well for me. Thanks for clearing things up, though. Again, good work on this story. Keep it up. Author's Response: I fixed the grammatical errors, except "All she could determine was what they You know, I really should appreciate constructive criticism as much as I do straight praise, but I can’t deny that praise makes me feel so much better, and I’m glad that you approve more of this chapter than some of the previous, and I’m glad you see improvement in Harry’s character. Hermione’s nose for a mystery has proved rewarding to her in the past, but those rewards have blinded her to the value of the privacy of others. It’s going to be a habit she will have to break or she will drive Ron up walls for the rest of their lives. It shows an unintentional arrogance that Hermione feels she needs to know everything. She’s quite controlling. Ginny is rather modeled on people I didn’t like when I was in school, the glossily popular, callous girls, who probably didn’t enjoy making people feel bad so much as they didn’t notice that they did so. She’s also meant to be a lot like the twins. This isn’t to say that I don’t want her to be sympathetic, and I intend to develop her kinder side in a few chapters. I changed the ending of the chapter. I had meant to show that Ginny was having a bout of self pity, but I think you’re right and it doesn’t read well. I sort of finished the chapter, and exhausted, didn’t read it through before posting, which is something I never should do. I’m glad that my response to your comment was helpful; though I’m a little disappointed it didn’t come though better for you in the chapter itself. I should warn you though, Harry and Snape aren’t going to ever become particularly fond of each other. Thank you, and thank you for such a long, useful, review! |
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