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Reviews For Slave Child
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, Harry has begun to heal. He still has a ways to go, but I think with Severus on his side, he'll get there eventually.
With that in mind, here is my review. The overall premise of the story was what caught my attention with “Slave Child”. It was well thought out, but a bit rushed to completion, in my opinion. I also found the characterizations spot on in the beginning of the story, waning as time went on, showing us an out of character Snape who became sappy and touchy feely literally overnight. Many fan fiction writers make the mistake of “telling” a story rather than “showing” it. I was happy to find that “Slave Child” leaned more toward a “showing” story. Although too many dialogue tags can spoil the soup. And remember, pronouns are your friend. Author's Response: Hi, and thank you. I know others have thought that Severus is OOC and that he changed too quickly. Maybe so. I've just done the best I could with it. Dialogue tags? Do you mean actual dialogue, the conversation? Or using the characters' names too much instead of pronouns. I did think when I was writing ch. 24 that I was using Harry's and Severus' names maybe too often, but I wanted to be clear on who was doing and saying what. Sometimes referring to both of them as 'he' and 'him' too often can be confusing, I think, but I will work on it. Thank you.
Oh, and I thought decribing Harry's hopelessness and despair as 'breaking into a million pieces' was really apt. Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you approve of the way Harry was going about it. It's odd, because as I said in an earlier response, I at first planned for Harry to attempt to run away, to have Severus prevent him, but not really understand what Harry was doing, and then for Harry to make a second attempt in another way. But when I was writing, I just couldn't make it work...it came across awkwardly, at least it seemed that way to me. So I re-wrote it with Harry's escaping being the 'real' attempt, and that seemed to go more smoothly...though the other scenario may come into the story or sequel. Oh, Harry won't attempt suicide again, but that event may be worked in as an accident or as someone else attempting to hurt Harry or one of the characters. I'll let you guys know if that other scene makes it into the story at some point. Thanks again!
I loved it. It was beautiful. -Elise Author's Response: Thank you, Elise!
Author's Response: Thank you! You know, I actually had another method in mind, had discussed with my betas, but in the end, when I was writing, this was the way that 'flowed'. And yes, Harry is still very devestated by the slavery spell. It's something that Severus and his friends are going to have to help him with.
Author's Response: Thank you! Whew, update soon? I'll try, lol, at least by next weekend, okay?
I have so long waited this moment. Author's Response: Thank you! I've been waiting for this chapter a long time, too. It was one of my favorites to write, but almost a little scary, too, since I'd had it in my mind for so long.
I think my favorite part was when Severus realized that Harry was going to go past the wards and be killed. That was a terrible moment and I felt it along with Severus. Very well done, Kristeh. I am glad Severus told Harry how he feels. Severus' feelings were tangible. And it was great to see that Harry finally knows that he is cared about. I was really glad you talked about the spell, because it's such a big part of Harry's thoughts right now. It was so sad that he didn't want to go down to the Ministry and get adopted, because of the spell. Sigh. What a very sad lot for both of them. I hope we finally get to see some hope soon. Author's Response: Thank you! It was very important for Harry to understand how much Severus' really loves him...that will help him more than anything to heal and to find the will to live again. Yes, the spell is a huge deal, and they still have a lot to talk about in regards to it, but they've made a start.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much!
Author's Response: Thank you! |
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