A very good start. I agree, the conversation between Severus and Harry seems a bit off. I noticed in you notes at the end of chapter 1 that you were in need of a beta...if you still need one, I would be happy to fill that position. I admit, I'm definitely intrigued by this story, and would love to help you with it.
its a good start but there are a few spelling mistakes, keep going as it seems like its going to be a great read
I like your take on Severus relationship with Lily, and how they are related. Most times I've read fics and usually it is Sev & James who are related, but I prefer your version.
I also like the way Sev is behaving, he's a logical man and not cruel, presented with the evidence that Harry was abused, he will not continue to harbor a grudge against the boy.
I wonder how they will get along now? Please update.
And check out my story posted here if you'd like, I love getting reviews!! Chocolate frogs for you!
Great start here and I'm anxious to learn how Harry nad Snape react to this startling development!
| Title: Chapter 2
| 25 Feb 2008 6:42 am
|
| Reviewer: Princess Arica of Rivendell (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
| Title: Chapter 2
| 25 Feb 2008 1:15 am
|
| Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
" Her and I were friends up until the end of our fifth year despite us being in different houses at Hogwarts.” replied Snape."
It should be "she and I, not her and I"
Or even "your mother and i were friends"
| Title: Chapter 1
| 24 Feb 2008 9:34 pm
|
| Reviewer: ave (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
|