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Reviews For In Potter's Shoes
Author's Response: For severus's sake i hope he does too.
Author's Response: yep...your right...i will be changing that as soon as i am finished with all the reviews
Author's Response: i glad you think so...thanx for the review!
Author's Response: yes..merlin help them all....i do expect snape to be worse off then he already is by the end of the summer. thanx for reviewing!
Author's Response: i will..never fear...i am currently working on the next chapter....keep checking back and thanx for the reviews!
Author's Response: i'll think about it...but the only probelem is that the challenge states that harry is not a character in this challenge...i will consider it though
The only 'problem' I see that is a little out of place is the referring to Snape as Sev. Most stories that use Sev are kid-fics or as a nickname that we see beforehand in the story. I suggest in the narration to keep him as simply Snape or if you want to show him in a more familiar/closer image to use Severus. This way it will be in the minds of your readers that Severus is still an adult- as I said Sev is generally used in kid-fics or for a nickname. Hopefully you will have some scenes with Harry and Dumbledore (or anyone else lol) trying to convice Harry to take his place once again. Really though, this is going to be a GREAT fic- I can just tell lol. In Potter's Shoes is very original, right down to the title. I can't wait to see more. BTW the scene of Snape being bribed with the DADA job was absolutely brillant. And now this is really long, gosh I have a bad habit of writing novel reviews... Author's Response: yeah..i believe i have already addressed that....i have gone back and edited that little part changing sev to severus. yeah dumbledore is really sneaky there. long reviews are justas good as short reviews...i love them all!
Author's Response: trust me this should be interesting! thank you for your review!
Author's Response: thank you i will be working on the next chapter asap! thank you for the reiview!
However, you do need to work on a couple of things. First at the very end you suddenly start referring to Severus as Sev for no reason. This would be okay if we had some background (maybe have Albus or Minerva call him that, to show he accepts the nickname from some people). Also, you need a bit more detail about the setting. For example, in the opening scene jump right into some conflict and dialoge with Dumbledore, which is wonderful, but out of no where McGonagall pops up. Try working in a line somewhere to let us she's there before she starts speaking. You should try to aquire a beta. They are lifesavers. Beta's can tell you specifically when you need more detail or less and fix any common errors you may make. Overall, you're off to a good start and I can't wait for an update. I'm really curious as to whats going to happen to Snape. Author's Response: yes my lady...you are right! unfortunitely the betta i have is out of action for the moment and i don't know when she will be available again, however if you are offering to help me out, i will greatfully accept! i wlll endevor to work on the problem! thank you so much for the review! |
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