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Reviews For Your Basic Nightmare
Awesome. Clearly, I adore this story. :) I'm grateful you didn't go into a explanation for his conception. That's usually the point where I give up on Severitus, as it strains my suspension of disbelief. I like that a private moment between two adults remains private. I also like that you wrote the whole conversation without dialogue tags, and yet it was clear from the words who was speaking. Tricky to pull off, but effective and involving when you can. Author's Response: Yeah, every time Snape starts explaining how Harry was conceived, I brace myself. The worst, I think, is when someone (Snape or someone else) gives so many details that it's actually kind of creepy when you consider they're talking to a teenager.
I'm confused again about Harry's reaction, though. Is he crying with relief at being rescued? Or upset at Sirius's reaction? You're doing a great job of centering each drabble around only one plot point, but you may want to focus more on centering each drabble around one emotional point. Like: one thing happens, and Harry feels one thing, or reacts in one way (maybe in an unexpected way to give a bit of a twist). I realize that you'll soon be done with this story, as you're blazing right through it, but maybe for future drabble chapters? Regardless, kudos for executing a wonderful idea in a skilled way. Author's Response: Sirius always blows up. It's part of the Severitus experience. :-D I tried to fix The Letter, by the way, so it's clearer. I'll see what I can do about this one, too. He's crying because Sirius hates him now. Oh, the angst. Although, he is kind of half dead, so it's very possible he's relieved at being rescued.
As I've said, I haven't had a lot of exposure to Severitus, so I don't know if this is obvious or simply laid bare by your prose: Severitus is really about puberty, isn't it? Looking into the mirror and seeing an ugly stranger. Going through physical changes you hate. Not feeling right in your own body. People treating you differently. A parent eyeing you with distrust. I mean, it's also obviously a father-son story, but it's interesting to view it from another angle. I'm confused over why he wishes he never wrote the letter. Fear of punishment? Or fear of Sirius's reaction? Minor correction: "He look into the mirror" should be "He looks" Author's Response: Poor Harry wrote the letter when it was just his eyes that were different. By the end of the week he's got a much better idea of what's happening to him. I tried it a couple of different ways but in 100 words this is all I could fit. I figured the Severitus plot is so standardized people would get it. LOL
Anyway, wonderful start. Thanks for sharing your story! Author's Response: My biggest problem with them is that they never end. Either literally, as in the author wrote and wrote and wrote but never managed to finish the thing, or figuratively, as in the author wrote and wrote and wrote... and wrote and wrote and wrote.... If a story is like a 2 hour movie, a Severitus tends to be a 12-hour mini series. A 12-hour mini series that tends to get cancelled around part 10. :-D
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