I like your story. Little bit different twist than so many of the normal "Snape is Harry's father" stories out there. The writing is good and the changes in Snape sound believable.
My only criticism: I was totally lost when Harry had his flashback. I couldn't figure out why Voldemort was a child. When I read Snape's conversation with DD, then things became clearer. But I'm still wondering why and how, etc., of the whole Voldemort thing. I would guess it is not essential to your story, but perhaps a prologue would have helped or at least a much clearer recounting of the actual Voldemort demise.
Also, I'm wondering exactly how Snape knows that Harry is his son. Did he do a paternity test or is he just assuming from Harry's personality traits that he is not James' son?
Please keep writing though. You are doing a great job!
Author's Response: first of all, let me thank you for your review. reviews themselves are not too uncommon but ones that have been thought out and contain a level of constructive criticism are, and i appreciate it a great deal. Not mentioning how Snape found out about Harry was an oversight- you must realize while i worked on the first couple of chapters of this story i was in and out of being grounded from my computer, so oftentimes i was working off my own memories of what i had written rather than actually being able to look back on it. i've had to rewrite huge chunks just so that it made sense. i will however be addressing that in the future. As for the Harry-Voldemort situation, it's supposed to be a bit of an enigma for now. i was planning to reveal it bit by bit throughout the story. i'm not really sure if that's the best way to go about it as i've never instilled such a literary device, but i have found fanfictions best for practicing new ways of writing and i feel like it may add some depth to reveal a little information at a time. i ask only that you bear with me on that. perhaps, if in the end i never do adequately explain what happened, i will include a prequel. for now, i'll see how it goes. ~Cait
I like the way you write Snape, it must be hard for a man who likes things done his way to allow Harry to have an equal footing in this struggling relationship.
Author's Response: I thank you very much for appreciating my views on the matter... Sometimes I feel as though people expect Snape to be written into sentimitality immediately, which makes no sense considering what we know of his character.
hey there's nothing wrong with a bit corny! i really enjoyed reading those chapters and would love to see more, its very well written with few mistakes. Update soon though, i am terrible at waiting! lol
| Title: Chapter 4
| 03 May 2008 6:51 pm
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| Reviewer: projectjay (Anonymous)
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I don't think it was corny. I think it was a good way for snape to have a insight into what harry is thinking.
| Title: Chapter 4
| 02 May 2008 11:55 pm
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| Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
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GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOOK FORWARD TO FUTURE UPDATES. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!!
It's not corny at all, I liked it very much and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
| Title: Chapter 4
| 02 May 2008 11:16 am
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| Reviewer: Feito (Anonymous)
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Snapey better have a good explanation! I mean, what's this going to look like to our poor adorable Harry? Only now that its 'safe' and Harry's even more rich and famous does the man want to claim him?
Author's Response: short though your review was, it actually was what prompted me to add in the entire scene with dumbledore, which i actually think is one of my more brilliant additions to the story. i had thought about the way things would look but i'd as yet to come up with an adequate excuse for snape's behavior. i had thought maybe i messed up that part of the story with snape's shoddy first explanation of things and was thinking i might have to bypass it in this story, but when you mentioned that you were still expecting more of an explanation from snape, i realised that i still had the ability to weave it and make it seem more noble without it seeming unbelievable... i spent my entire bio class contemplating how best to write that scene and sketched it out during spanish- a mere sketch, because my writing had to be en espanol so my teacher wouldn't suspect i wasn't taking notes, and even in spanish 3 i have some difficulties writing brilliantly, but no matter. that chapter is up and readable now.
wow this is going to be really intresting when Severus gets his chance to tell Harry his side of this story. Hopefully Harry will get answers to all of his questions and have some sense of what is going to happen. Awesome start really like this story. Keep up the great work and please update again soon. LES
Author's Response: I'm really glad that everyone still expected Snape to tell his side of the story. I decided that a good twist would be for him to originally tell the headmaster instead of Harry, so that readers would have a bit more insight into Snape's true colors, but Harry would not... I forgot what my teacher called that literary element- like, dramatic irony or something. (I like to think I'm a pretty good writer, and my grammars not bad. because of that i've never bothered to pay a lot of attention to english class itself, one of my greater faults.)
| Title: Chapter 4
| 02 May 2008 7:08 am
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| Reviewer: Nightfall (Anonymous)
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I'm reading your story and i'm hesitant at the differences. Ron and Hermione hadn't acknowledged or (and perhaps hadn't developed) feelings for each other this early. I'm also curious as to whether Remus and Sirius will make an appearence.
Author's Response: the ron and hermione thing, I'll admit, was a little far fetched considering how young they are. i added it in because i figured that once the war was over people would be in the mood for celebrating... but i'm kind of making a mockery of their relationship, having them split and get back together in a day, because they're so young... and remus and sirius will make an appearance- sirius not until much later, of course, but in this story he did escape from azkaban.
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