Wow I loved it! I really hope you update soon, you capture Severus and Harry's feelings really well.
Interesting plot. I don't think I've read one quite like this before. I'm enjoying it and can't wait for your next update.
That was very clever of Sev, to figure out what was causing Harry to cry. Then again, Severus is really smart and all. The part with the ball and the potions was excellent, I love Severus for being so patient with Harry. And the last part was very cute. Aww!
I did find one other typo in here, up at the beginning when you say he is a reformed Death Eater it should be "that" not "tat".
As far as chapter length goes, don't worry about it. You're the author and only you know the proper place to begin or end a chapter. Just do what feels right, that's what I do.
Please update whenever you can as I'm really enjoying this!
Yes, Dumbledore's clever enough for that. But his plotting really sets my teeth on edge. Hope Severus can handle Harry, the poor thing. The Dursleys need to be locked in a cage or something. With wild beasts.
Those lying Dursleys! What are they up to? Guess I'll have to read more to find out. And who is the blond boy?
great start here, by the way!
Sev is going to need to have a lot of patients and love... he is doing well so far but he is going to have to move slowly and carefully and remember that he is going to make mistakes like using the phrase 'not bad' but he just has to learn and not give up hope his task is a herculean one and there are many obstacles. There are going to be times when he has to be firm but there also would be times when he is going to have to be a teddy bear
Author's Response: Yeah, I like the bit about the word Bad because it shows that Harry has a grasp of language- words having meanings- at least in a primial sense (versus, like, dogs who mostly rely on voice tone. Harry doesnt)
There is a special level of HELL reserved for people like Vernon and Petunia...I am happy that you had Dudley questioning Sev on Harry and the boy for himself showed some understanding and had a heart indicating that even though Dudley was spoilt there is a lot of good in the boy I hope that Sev (Albus or the wizarding world) have the two despicable adults arrested and that Dudley could go to a decent home where he could grow up to be a respectable young man.
Poor Harry what was his aunt thinking what kind of heart or lack thereof does one have to cage a child like that, even if you think the child evil you would send them to a priest or something ... it would have been better if they had left him at an orphanage
Author's Response: The Dursley's punishment is one I haven't contemplated yet. I do know what happens to Dudley, but it may or may not set well with you. I can't help that, really. It makes a sort of sense in my story.
| Title: Chapter 3
| 16 Aug 2008 4:23 pm
|
| Reviewer: Mysterious Jedi (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Interesting start. I look forward to seeing more. Poor Harry!
| Title: Chapter 3
| 16 Aug 2008 10:17 am
|
| Reviewer: Deco (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
“I’m not the guy to deal with crying.”
"Guy" is an Americanism...'bloke' would be better.
Otherwise, an interesting story.
Very interesting story. I like Snape in this. I like the way he thinks to himself, it's very realistic. Looking forward to more!
|