What a brilliant idea! To have voldie just creep up behind them - loved it. Liked the magnet bit too. Lucius is a really likeable character I'm thinking, though I'm a bit confuzzeled as to the turn around. The muggle trousers were a nice touch too.
Great. Voldie was... ?Voldie sounding I guess you could say but Luc is confusing. Maybe I read it wrong, is he a spy like Sev?
Harry and Sev are of course perfectly placed.
No, he's evil as ever. I think Lucius should help Severus fight Voldemort. I'm not entirely sure how V got past the wards, except that maybe it had something to do with being linked to Harry? Harry was inside and vulnerable, so maybe V capitalized on it? I like the way this is going, great job!
Actually I don't think Voldie is too nice at all. He's just playing with his prey before doing something awful to it. Things definitely aren't as they seem from the reactions of Lucius and Severus. I am wondering just what has made them (particularly Lucius) act the way they have so of course, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Don't worry about the chapter being "short". There's no minimum or maximum word count or length requirement (you're not doing a potions essay for Professor Snape, after all) so long as the chapter tells the reader what you want it to.
Are you writing this "as you go" or do you have an outline of what you want to have happen? You may not need a co-author but a good beta who is willing to work with you to get the words to say what you want them to say. A good beta doesn't just proofread for spelling, grammar and punctutation but makes suggestions regarding POV, characterization ("Are you really, sure that so-and-so would react like X in Y situation?" "Why is canon-character A acting like this? It's not typical behaviour for the character, so there's got to be an underlying reason.") and can help you clarify things to yourself about your story. And a good beta reader always knows that their suggestions are just that, suggestions. There are a large number of good betas that frequent this site. You might want to contact one of them if you want some reassurance and a second opinion on your chapters before you post them.
If you want to "talk" to me about beta-ing for you, just reply back and we can make arrangements.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the comments I really appreciate it. And yes I am writing this as I go, but I lso have an idea of what I want to happen. I meant to get bck to you erlier when I read about the offer to beta, but I kept forgetting. And, too, I was enjoyig the freedom to post when I please, or at least when I had a chapter done, and not waiting on someone else to proofread. I've a beta for my other story, and I'm afraid it just takes too long. I'm not even sure she's even seen my chapter, as she hasn't even emailed me back to say she's recieved it. *sigh* I suppose I could try you out. Let me know if you're still interested, k?
| Title: Can't Run Away
| 15 Oct 2008 9:17 pm
|
| Reviewer: fanficaholic (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
I like this story! Great plot lines...I like the way they shift to the totally unexpected! Can't wait for more!
voldy i couldn't really decipher as he has only just arrived and he would rather kill someone face to face rather than when someone back is turned, lucius surprised me by his niceness, voldy can do most things even get past wards, he isn't the most feared wizard for nothing
| Title: Can't Run Away
| 15 Oct 2008 4:03 pm
|
| Reviewer: SnapesYukuai (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Don't worry, your story is ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!! Wow, I'm amazed. I love the way you portray Lucius and Severus and I had a shudder go down my spine when Harry said, that Voldy was right behind them. weeah, that was creepy. I like the whole story. Sev cuddling Harry was sooo cute.
In hopes of a fast update, your Melfis.
WOW, my question is, is Voldie going to be a good guy or a bad guy... and I'm still a little confused as to why Malfoy was the one at Privet Drive, but I like what I've read so far.
Yikes, what are you talking about, that was awesome! Ok, I sound like a teenager, but it was great! Don't doubt yourself.
Update soon, and soothe our frazzled nerves!
| Title: Can't Run Away
| 15 Oct 2008 6:05 am
|
| Reviewer: Deco (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Yikes!!! Ye evil cliffie x 10!!!
|