This is a really interesting series. The author's style is brief and poetic, which is very touching in an understated way.
The first story in the series functions as a prologue, but if this piece was revised, I would advise leaving it off. *Fairytale* is just heavy handed compared to *Rainbow of Grey.* Typically the purpose of a piece like that is to build up the fairytale metaphor, but right now it's just a summary. It has several excellent lines-- which the author acknowleges by using them as quotes in *Rainbow.* I think those lines should be included, but that they would do better as just lines from the narrator, not as quotes. The italicized quotes really bash the reader over the head with the message.
Despite my criticism above, I really think the author is very talented. I understand that when writing in a serial format, sometimes things just happen. I think the episodic style is very nice-- the only transition I found jarring was the sudden move into occulmency lessons-- I'm not sure now if the story follows cannon progression or if those lessons come earlier in this AU (it seems to be earlier...).
Author's Response: Took so long to respond. Laziness. But I'm back in the funky writing groove, so I thought reading the reviews might help. Anyway. Thanks for your review, I'm really glad you like my writing style. Thank for your honesty. To be truthful, a lot of people seem to have preferred Fairytale - whether because of how it's written or whatever. It's interesting to hear the other side of that. As for the quotes, well, picking each quote for the beginning and end of a chapter is how I start writing - they're my base, even though sometimes the end quote may change if the chapter veers wildly off from where it was going originally.
The Occlumency lessons did happen as they did in the books - they're really where we swing far away from canon. It just seemed pointless writing each year, given that my brain really didn't want, I was dying to get to some actual plot and it really wasn't hugely important. If I ever revise this, I might go back and add in a couple of chapters there.