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Reviews For Harry Potter and the Phoenix's Flight
There were so many great things in this chapter. The Dursley's having all those code names... all the nice lovely descriptions about Harry's morning, Vernon calling Snape a Denture Mender! Hahaha! Oh that was great; I half expected Harry to say "No, he's not a Demontor" image Snape's reaction to that! Although I assume that Snape knew that Vernon meant to say Dementor? I love Petunia's last line "much better than that horrible man" HAHAHA! That was a golden line. Your Snape is so in character. ("What a shame," said Snape, coldly.) That was a GREAT Snape line, you expressed his disdain, personality- so good. :) ("Where are we going?" he said, jogging every few moments to keep up with the professor's swift pace.) Great action line. ("Thankyou for pointing that out, I never normally look where I'm going or what my feet are sinking into." "I know," said Snape...) ohhh that was great. ("Is this your house?" he said, amazed. "Surprise," came the dry reply.) Great line Snape! I love the dynamics when Snape asks Harry if he wants anything to eat but Harry's like "I'll be fine with my squashed rye bread." ("Potter, stop jigging around like a lunatic, you're getting bread all over the floor,") hehehee.. bread on the floor. That is just a great line. I need to stop this or by the end of all my reviews I'll have written back to your a hundred great lines. I love the ending dynamics of the chapter too, you express these characters so well. There were some things that you can improve though, mostly in the beginning. The first couple of paragraphs need a little more work, the first one especially because they don't drag the readers in from the get go. i had to actually reread it twice before I undertood the first paragraph and I think that there were about two spots where there was a little mistake, I can't remember where exactly, sorry. Anyways, GREAT first chapter. I think that it is one of the best ones that I have ever read. :) |
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