("...They took me to Diagon Alley to get my new school things a few weeks ago, we were stuck behind a tractor for an hour. Fred had a nap. And he was driving.") LOL! I really liked the character change you made with Malfoy. I think that Hermione needed to show more of Devil's advocate when she tried to get Ron to see what was up with Malfoy- she seemed too... nice and defensive of him; the only way I can advise you is to make it seem that she's defending him but not because she wants to. Just a suggestion. :) Hermione's million of books were great. Ron seems very in character but his phrases seem a little 'popping out' in the story, the transition needs to be more smooth. Really enjoyable story so far. :)
Hello, i really like your story so far. I cant wait to read the rest. It´s funny and the idea with Sirus was really good. But there are smal things there are disturbing for me.
Tonks is a Auror and in the Order, you make her a look like a housemaid and a terrible clumsy clown. Sure it is funny but in my opinion it´s not reliably.
Also why has Hermiones Dad a company?
Sorry if this review sound harsh to you it was not in my intention, there are only smal things. I really like your story and now i go to read the rest ;-))
Keep writing
linthal
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