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Reviews For Broken Wings
his assistant? cool. --his
Author's Response: Thanks! I love mythology! Yeah Moody's something else.
Author's Response: Yes she is and thanks so much for reading1 You'll see what happens in the next chapter.
Author's Response: I thought that was the perfect end for the awful witch1 So glad you liked it! Author's Response: I thought that was the perfect end for the awful witch1 So glad you liked it!
I love the story. I love the interaction between Snape and Freedom, and I cried my way through 5 kleenex when Severus and Harry were at odds. Very well done. I did want to make a suggestion regarding one of your writing habits: You add "or whatever", "or whatnot", "and stuff" to the end of sentences. This throws me out of the story when the phrases are used by characters that would not use them. I can deal with Ron saying it, because he's a sloppy thinker. Neither Hermione nor any of the Professors would. Harry might, depending on his mood, but I believe he is learning to think. Deleting the phrase from each of the following sentences would turn a weakened sentence into a much stronger one: Examples: "He is an irresponsible teenager, Albus, no doubt he cooked up this scheme in order to get more attention from the press (and whatnot)...." Chapter 2 Severus [...] considered it the worst timing in the world that Potter had to go missing (or whatever) right then. Chapter 4 Crabbe glared at the other. "So what? It's better than hexing them till they die (or whatever)." Chapter 11 Here, out in the sun and the wind, no memories (or whatever) could find him. Chapter 12 "[...]I mean, it isn't as if You-Know-Who's going to send out a ransom note (or whatever)." Chapter 13 Why don't you go and brew a potion (or whatever)? Chapter 13 "If you are determined to sulk, (for whatever reason), I shall go and work in my lab" Chapter 13 No way was he going to miss this opportunity to listen and learn more about the Headmaster's secret agenda (or whatever). Chapter 14 Merlin, this playacting (or whatever) is bloody hard. Chapter 14 what had made Severus come down here at this hour, when he was supposed to be grading papers (or whatever)? Chapter 15 It might not kill or maim (or whatever), but it leaves other scars, dammit!" Chapter 15 They all needed the Boy Who Lived (or whatever). Chapter 20 Harry [...] and hoped Ron would get over his jealousy (or whatever). Chapter 23 "Oh, Harry! What a wonderful opportunity to learn new recipes (and stuff)!" Chapter 24 Please take this comment as it is meant, as a fervent desire that such a great story not be marred by a pattern of language that does not belong to the characters speaking. Thanks so much for writing. And now, I can go on and read the next chapter! Yay! Author's Response: Thanks for reading and enjoying my story and for pointing out those few times when I tend to overuse that phrase. Some of that is deliberate, when Harry is Freedom, he has a lapse of proper grammar and can't always come up with proper words to describe things or feelings, so that is why he uses it so much. And Crabbe too doesn;t have an extensive vocabulary, so I think he would use that on occasion and even Hagrid, and the part with Severus as a teenager, well there he hasn't discarded casual speech for his professor mannerisms yet. But there are a few places where I can take out that phrase or maybe substitute a new one. Hope you enjoy the rest of it.
Author's Response: Ain't it great? I loved doing that to her, she deserved it so much!
Author's Response: Yeah, you got it! And let's shoot off some fireworks too!
Author's Response: Well, they won't, but keep in mind, they weren;t intending to kill her, just try and arrest her and bring her in. The Stymphalian Bird was an unexpected surprise and they couldn;t predict that it would come for her. Even so, they aren't particularly sorry. Thanks!
But HArry Severus' apprentice? Wouldn't part of the criteria to be a potions apprentice be being good at potions? Lesley~ Author's Response: I always wanted her to just die. I really detest her, she was as bad as Voldemort in her own twisted way. She reminded me of a Nazi prison guard. Minerva figured it was the best way to force those two together and make them get along. technically yes, but I don;t think Harry is terrible at potions, just that Sev never gave him a chance to succeed in class. But now will be a different story and he should learn plenty from his mentor. Thanks for reading!
Absolutely awesome. I skipped a few chapters to the one before Harry revealed himself, and I have to say incredible.I love the way Sev and Harry reconciled themselves. Please update soon! I'll be waiting!! Author's Response: yes, I liked killing her off . . .she really deserved it! I have just updated, by the way. |
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