Nice start to your story.
| Title: Chapter 1
| 29 Aug 2015 7:46 pm
|
| Reviewer: Fmh (Signed)
| [Report This]
|
Very good start thank you
Ooh, I like the way that you've manipulated Canon events to suit your story. I can't wait to read more.
This is a good start, only I noticed something that puzzled me, actually several things. At the end of the paragraph where Harry is leaving Diagon Alley to go back home, you mention that he's going to stay with the Dursleys another month till school starts, but in the next paragraph you have him at the platform getting on the train.
Did you mean to have a sentence or some kind of asterixs inbetween them to indicate time passing, or was Harry mistaken about Hagrid's intentions? It was a bit confusing.
I liked how you didn't make Draco and absolute idiot, but I was wondering how Harry knew about prejudice between the Houses, since he kniows next to nothing about the wizarding world, how would he know whether or not a House is really prejudiced? And I wondered when Hagrid discussed Slytherins with him, since I can't recall it?
This is not meant as a flame, just things you might want to clarify with a sentence or two, no offense.
Otherwise I really like your story and your writing style.
|