I like how how Harry’s nibbling at the feast could be viewed as politeness by his fellow Slytherins, rather than as a symptom of something wrong. I really hope the glamour falls in front of Snape.
| Title: Chapter 2
| 29 Aug 2015 7:51 pm
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| Reviewer: Fmh (Signed)
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Very good chter thank you
This is very nicely written, and I like the originality of Harry being in Slyterhin, but may I make a small suggestion? I don't know whether you've done it purposely off or if it happened when you posted your story, but it is difficult to read the last bit, because it is one long paragraph.
But it is a nice start and I'm off to read the next chapter!
I like how you did the Sorting and the way Ron kept trying to get Harry's attention and he kept getting ignored. And the way everyone reacted to Harry being in Slytherin was excellent. I also like the way you showed how Harry can't eat much at the feast because he's been starved for so long.
The glamour charm was good too, but what did you mean when you said that if Harry touched someone he made them bleed? Is this some kind of wound transference or empathy? Also, the level of abuse the kid has endured is astounding, and you might want to give him some kind of healing factor to help him because a normal eleven year old or a magical one wouldn't be able to take that level of pain without passing out. And if he's bleeding that badly, he would also pass out, unless his body's somehow healing itself.
Just a few suggestions.
And Harry won't be bale to hide what's happened to him with Snape as his Head, since Sev knows what abuse looks like and probably can see through glamour charms.
Good job!
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