|
Reviews For Depths of Darkness
I liked the conversation between Sev and Harry at night, and the part where Severus tells Harry he better hurry back to bed before another teacher finds him who's not as lenient as he is made me smile--since he's probably the strictest teacher in the school right then, except for when Umbridge comes. Good cliffhanger and I know Severus is going to be lying in wait to speak to Harry ASAP. Oh, a minor thing, I noticed that on the Takes Place category you have down Pre-Hogwarts, but it should be Pre-COS, since this is the first year and Harry is school-age. Pre-Hogwarts is for a younger Harry, I know because I write lots of stories set in that time period. Keep writing!
The glamour charm was good too, but what did you mean when you said that if Harry touched someone he made them bleed? Is this some kind of wound transference or empathy? Also, the level of abuse the kid has endured is astounding, and you might want to give him some kind of healing factor to help him because a normal eleven year old or a magical one wouldn't be able to take that level of pain without passing out. And if he's bleeding that badly, he would also pass out, unless his body's somehow healing itself. Just a few suggestions. And Harry won't be bale to hide what's happened to him with Snape as his Head, since Sev knows what abuse looks like and probably can see through glamour charms. Good job!
Did you mean to have a sentence or some kind of asterixs inbetween them to indicate time passing, or was Harry mistaken about Hagrid's intentions? It was a bit confusing. I liked how you didn't make Draco and absolute idiot, but I was wondering how Harry knew about prejudice between the Houses, since he kniows next to nothing about the wizarding world, how would he know whether or not a House is really prejudiced? And I wondered when Hagrid discussed Slytherins with him, since I can't recall it? This is not meant as a flame, just things you might want to clarify with a sentence or two, no offense. Otherwise I really like your story and your writing style. |
Powered by eFiction 3.5 |