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Reviews For One Chance Is All You Need
This review is for both chapters just so you know. This story has a lot of promise. I love how Snape wakes up in a room with the fates and they send him back in time, also your explanations for why they send him to the end of fifth year are perfect. Your dialogue is wonderful, especially between Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They seem very in character. You might want to consider adding a few more details however. For example: what did the fates look like? I imagined them looking like the fates of Greek mythology, but you may not have intended the reader to see them that way. Your dialogue is wonderful as I said before, but also needs some description. Example: "And why were you talking to that greasy git?" Ron asked as though he had just swallowed something foul. Instead of telling, the readers that Snape is angry try describing what angry looks like on Snape. Things like: do his nostrils flare? Does he clench his fist? Do his eyes narrow? Little things like this force the reader to use there imagination. And while all these things seem obvious to you we can't get into your head to see them, so you have to show them to us. One last little nitpick. The first line of a story is very important, so you might want to fix the POV in your first line. It reads: "Snape was lying on the floor in the Shrieking Shack, slowly dying. He wakes up in an empty room." If you don't plan to add more details to this line it should read "...He woke up..." As I said, only bother changing it if you decide not to add more details. It may help if you get a beta. They can catch mistakes they you may miss regardless of how many times you reread your story. They can also offer suggestions and tell you specific places you need more or less details. Your story has a lot of potential, so please don’t take this review as anything other then constructive criticism. The dialogue between characters is amazing and this story has some unique twist. I hope you write more soon. :) Author's Response: Thanks for the advice! I'll try to keep some of those things in mind as I continue to write this story. |
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