Again, I think this is a great idea for a fic and I think you write very accurately, but I can also tell that you rushed to finish this in time for the fest. I think this fic would be really great if you went back and expanded upon the visit with Slytherin and made a visit with Gryffindor as well. I mean, you said that they had both left the school and that Helga and Rowena wanted them to visit both characters, but then it didn't happen, which is kind of disappointing because there could be some great interactions there.
Another question would be 'why are Harry and Snape experiencing dreams from the other's life?' I feel like there needs to be an explanation for that also.
All in all, this is a nice piece. I'm glad that Harry and Severus found a piece of happiness in the end.
-P.G.
I thought they were going to meet with Godric as well. I'm rather sad that they didn't; I'm sure Harry would have loved to meet him. I think this chapter would be better if you expanded upon the meeting with Slytherin. I mean, the interact between him, Harry, and Snape is what we as readers have been waiting for and it was so brief. I am glad that you portrayed Slytherin as a caring person though and not rude and mean.
-P.G.
Should I expect late night visitors?
-P.G.
Snape's a bit paranoid, isn't he? He has reason to though and I'm sure he's more than a little stressed out at this point. I'm curious: are we going to see the items of the founders in this tale? I think there would be something really ironic about seeing Helga drinking out of her cup and Rowena wearing the diadem. Then, poor Harry would have a serious feeling of deja vu down the line, lol.
This is very well-written.
-P.G.
Oh, that's a nice twist. I wonder who else's relatives we'll find in here? I do have to point out that it's rather questionable that literacy would be a problem in the world at this time. This is a year before the printing press was created and so books would be really scarce because every book would have to be copied from another and printed by hand by a scribe or monk. Nobody really needed to read for their jobs, and most people wouldn't ever see a book during their lifetimes. It is said that perhaps their memories were better than ours because they had to remember information passed on by word of mouth; that was how you learned.
I do think it is believable though that wizards might be a bit ahead of the game in this because they would probably have spells to transfer information from one book to another. I do like the story so far and am excited to see how you develop the founders.
-P.G.
Oh cripes, what have Helga and Rowena done? This is a very interesting start; I think I'm going to like this one.
-P.G.
I like this author's work, but I do have a couple of criticisms for this story. I hope my comments are not discouraging-- I am looking forward to reading more from KristeH.
One is a minor call on historical anachronism: Salazaar wouldn't serve sandwiches-- I know this is a magical AU, so one could argue anything goes, but still. It's the details that make a historical setting real, and people in this very early time would be likely eating on trenchers. Wine would not be served in glasses, but in cups of metal or horn (well, it is possible that the glasses are from their time in Italy). It would likely taste very odd to the modern palate-- served too young and with some dregs in it. I know I'm being more than a little annoying about this, please forgive me.
I did have fun reading the story, I don't want to imply otherwise. I do think though that having the key moment in the plot happen in a dream-- well, it's sidestepping a lot. It should be a climax, but it doesn't have an impact on the reader. Then the characters just shuffle a bit and move on. It's just a short story and there was another plot to manage, I understand. Still, in a short form the key points of a story need to be the focus of the narrative. In commentary on Buffy, Joss Whedon commented that a story needs to "earn" emotional moments. If someone is going to offer up a grand gesture or powerful emotional moment, it needs to seem justified by what has come before, the characters need to build up to that ephipany.
Again, I worry that I'm alienating the writer-- I don't mean to do so. It was a fun little tale, and I don't want to seem to kick it around with my critical jack boots.
Aww that was truly a great ending! I loved how Sarah was able to manipulate their dreams and the prophecy that enabled them to go back in time and learn to get along with each other.
And I also loved the way Severus adopted Harry. They deserve to be happy with each other! This is one of my favorite stories!
I loved the way Salazar helped Harry and explained why he felt that Muggleborns should not be admitted to the school. It was horrible the way that poor little girl died. I nearly cried. I am glad you showed how all the Founders were like a family. I also liked how you showed Salazar not as a cruel man, but a kind and concerned one.
I'm also happy to see that Severus has changed his mind about Harry now that he had also seen Harry's life through dreams.
Can't wait to see Severus go after Umbridge and tell Dumbledore what's been happening.
|