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Reviews For Where Once Was Light
Author's Response: Thank you very much!!
Author's Response: Aww! Thank you! If you have any helpful hints or what not, please let me know (but NO flames!!!) as this is my first fanfiction. Thanks for reviewing!
I loved Severus looking at Harry as he slept trying to figure out what of him was in the boy. So far, my favorite sentence, just because it shows a nice quality of thought to Severus: "Animals slept on the floor, not his son." It's nice to see Severus really making a conscious effort to not hate the boy anymore. Baby steps, Severus. Just a suggestion, take it or leave it. At this sentence, "...Severus found himself vowing silently to Lily that he would do more than just look after her child, his child..." consider adding this phrase at the very end: "...her child, his child, their child." It gives a sense of connection, and would show Severus as not only accepting Harry as Lily's child, and his child, but as both of their child. Does that make sense? AW! The thought that both Harry and Lily have soft hair to Severus...UGH! So adorable! I'm pretty sure Harry would rather live with Severus than the Dursleys...although, he might panic and choose the familiar than the unfamiliar. HAHA! The image of Snape with a beard and Lily fawning all over him is hilariously cute! Can picture his tolerant expression! Haha! "Hugs and flowers potions teacher!" HAHAHA! Oh no! He shut off Harry's alarm clock! That will not be good! The fact that Severus is so terrified of stairs, even with no one around is so human...Almsot like a fear of the dark that never leaves you. Okay, correction, my favorite humorous sentence: "It looked like Lockhart threw up in here on Valentines day." *laughs hysterically* Awesome! Oh nice...He's noticed the pictures and the lack of one particular resident...And the realization hits him...Oh, boy! OH MAN! WHAT A SPOT TO END THIS! Oh, look out Dursleys. You captured Severus' frantic searching for any trace of Harry in that house wonderfully! Well done! Can't wait to see the confrontation that must be inevitable! Good work, you! Typo Alerts: "Taking a deep, contented breath, he rapped his arms around his new wife..." The word "rapped" should be "wrapped." This is just weirdly worded in my opinion: "'Oh dear, what shall I ever do!'" Rearrange the words perhaps to, "Oh dear, what ever shall I do?" As Severus tucks Harry into bed: "His hands were gentle and soft, almost as though he were not touching the boy at all as he made sure there were not spots left uncovered." Change "not" to "no." Next sentence, "Besides, it would not due to have the child catching a chill would it?" Wrong form of "due/do." Change "due" to "do." In this sentence, "He was so use to little sleep, that on the rare occasion that..." change the beginning phrase to "He was used to so little sleep,..." It was oddly ordered. "Scowling at his reflection, Severus rubbed his chin when the begins of a beard was growing." Change "begins" to "beginnings." Two things wrong with this one: "But he had grown one out, just prier to his “death” as he had not minded Lily rubber her hands and face all over him because he was “soft”." 1. Change "prier" to "prior." 2. Change "rubber" to "rubbing." I could be wrong but I think here, "There was a paternity test, a simple potions made from very common ingredients," it needs to be singular "potion." This last bit of this sentence just sounds weird, "he had been able to list all of the potions along with their instructions from heart that had been in his potions book in school..." You can strike the "from heart." Last word: "Severus left the bathroom and quietly gathered his robes from out of the room Harry was sleeping it." Change "it" to "in." THis sentence, "At least that’s what his Slytherin’s always complained about..." The word "Slytherin's" does not need to be possessive. Remove the apostrophe. "He had asked the boy about it, and had know the child had been hit..." Change "know" to "known." Author's Response: What would I do without you?!? Thanks again for your review! I'm glad you found my little traces of humor. (I liked the Lockhart part myself) And I used to think Snape could use a beard (since I really like facial hair on men) but when I thought of it, Severus's father was some drunkard that probably never shaved, and so I did not think after years of looking at his father's face, he did not want look too much like his dad. But some guy (*ahem* my boyfriend) grow beards or some sort of facial hair to please their significant other, so I thought it would be cute if Sev wanted to please Lily. ^^ I'm glad you liked that part. Thanks again, and I look forward to reading more from you!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I've been writing a chapter or two a day since I got the ok from publishing. But thank you for reviewing now!! And you'll find I can't keep from writing! ;)
Author's Response: Aww!! You're a sweety! Thank you very much! I'm trying to get a chapter or so a day before I'm off for school.
So, Severus is beginning to discover how his son is really treated. I do love how you keep Snape in character, while still having him deal with their relationship. I love Snape's snark, and I'm glad that you're not having him grow too soft. I always feel that Snape and Harry can grow to care for each other, without Snape turning to mush or their relationship growing at an unbelievable rate. You've managed to keep it real though. I can't wait for the next chapter. I hope that Sev really lays into Vernon and Dudley, and for Petunia for letting them abuse Harry so horribly. Author's Response: Awww!! Thank you very much! That means a lot! And yeah, it was a busy day. But I'm trying to keep Snape, Snape. I know I get annoyed when Snape suddenly turns to Sap whenever he finds out he's a father. I want "my" Snape to have a heart, but still a bit wary of letting down his guard. Harry's easier because even in the canon books he has a more forgiving heart. Snape's heart it hidden. But thanks for the lovely review, and don't worry, Snape won't be happy with the Dursleys! :)
Ah, well, that explains why Petunia would think it would go to him, being addressed to him...In the journal, it is a very modern phrase to "update someone." This phrase is relatively new and especially only came into major usage once the internet became easily accessible. Since we are in around...1980, the phrase "keep updating to you," is quite ahead of its time. May I suggest something like, "keep writing to you?" Aww, poor Severus. Dreaming of how things were supposed to be. He should take a piece of wisdom from Lily there and eventually come to the realization that Harry/Severin is his last link to her, now. Although it seems both of them are trying to remind themselves that it's "Harry...his son..." or "Snape...his father..." They are trying to take it in and accept it... HA! The idea of Severus "crashing through the ceiling" is hilarious for some reason. Of course, my brain pictured it like a classic cartoon where the floor is cut in the circle and they literally crash through. *snort* Oh no! Here's Vernon! I almost feel bad for Petunia here because she has to put up her act again around Vernon and her son. I do not blame Harry for eating both plates, but then again I do at the same time. I do agree he would do that, but on the same plane, as the reader it makes me sad that he didn't have that Gryffindor courage to wake Severus up to eat, because then we would have had a forced sort of conversation. But, Severus also does need to sleep, so there I do agree with him. And it is interesting how the roles seem reverse there at the end, with Harry acting almost parental to his father by putting the journal away and tucking him in. Once Snape figures out that Vernon beat his son and that he slept through it the poor man wil be even more overwhelmed with guilt than now. I have a feeling things will not look better in the morning. (Unless Severus' parental instincts flare to life at this knowledge. Either way, for someone in 4 Privet Drive things will not look better in the morning.) Huzzah, on your remarkable update speed, and solid plotline. Typo Time: "Clutching the handrail, the Potions Master’s decent was slow, but steady..." The word "ascent" should be used, not "descent." Ascent is to go upwards, descent is to go downwards. "This James Potter drone, this Gryffindor abomination was really his?" I think you would rather use "clone" than "drone," as the word drone's definition to apply to a person in any way is most commonly used to describe their voice/speaking (e.g. "...Professor Binns droned endlessly in History of Magic class...") or somewhat their state of life (i.e. "a person who does tedious or menial work; a drudge; a person who lives on the labor of other; parsitic loafer.") Either, way, it seems you meant clone. "I am not sure that I can bare the thought of not having you, so I am writing..." You used the wrong "bare/bear." "Bare" implies to strip, to remove, nakedness..., while "bear" implies to suffer, endure, undergo...Change "bare" to "bear." In the journal, "He said that James is an utter wreak without me and even..." Change "wreak" to "wreck." Spelling is off: "Lunch had been completely forgotten this afternoon in favor of discovering hidden truthes." Remove the "e" to get "truths." Again, change "bare" to "bear" in the following: "The young wizard did not think he could bare it if the older wizard..." This is strictly grammatical, but in this sentence, "There was not as much force behind the blows either, for which the young wizard was glad of," you do not need the last word, "of." That is taken care of by the phrase, "for which." Author's Response: You know, every time you show me my typos I always hit myself in the head and say, "I should caught that!" *shakes head at self* I'm usually the one that drives people crazy when I edit, so it's actually a good change in pace to have someone tell me what I'm doing wrong for a change. When I'd write papers at school and have other students edit it, they'd never really do anything so I'd have to have teachers check it over all the time! But I dygress... Thanks again for another wonderful review! I'm glad you liked it! Don't worry about Harry's slight change in character, it'll be explained later (if you haven't guessed yet) but this will be one of the first baby steps into something bigger. And I'm glad you liked Snape bursting through the ceiling too. I could picture it too with him just suddenly blowing the roof down and what not! *HA* And I guess you'll have to wait until next time to see how "good" of morning everyone will have! *wink* Thanks again!!:)
And remember that Dumbledore really needs something like a punishment. His actions were cruel. Author's Response: o.O Wow, thanks!! I was actually thinking of posting it somewhere else since the Harry Potter fansite rejected my story *grumble, snort,rage* But I'm okay with that now. And don't worry, Dumbledore's not off the hook, he's just avoiding it right now. Thanks for the review!!
Some spy he is. Author's Response: Well...I kind thought about that too, but I figured he was too tired to hear a whole lot, plus Harry really didn't yell. I figured that since I'm a light sleeper usually and when I'm sick I sleep through LOTS of stuf, it would be okay if Snape did too. Thanks for the review though!
Author's Response: Aww, don't worry, things always get better...after they get worse...um...does that make you feel any better? Anywho, Thanks for the review!! |
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