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Reviews For Sacrifices
I love how you write Severus (I assume), so unsure of how to calm an agitated child and taking all the trouble to find out how. And then actually saying to Harry, "Daddy's bear". I don't know if he hated James in this story, but it must have been hard for him to do that. You are such a beautiful writer. Off to read some more. Author's Response: Oh thank you! Yes, I want to portray Severus as more unsure of himself since he is younger. And huzzah for noticing the bear remarks. There is a bit more to that bear. Thank you for reading/reviewing!
Very good on Snape's adventures in Azkaban, and the trial, though I think people interrogated under large amounts of Veritaserum would be loopier. Techique: "clenched dark eyes" Fists are clenched. Eyes? No. If you mean closed by clenched, then how can we tell the eyes are dark? "The eyes were squinted" Eyes again. Squint is a verb: viz: "The eyes squinted" You describe Snape in a rather feminine way at times: "slender" and "walking delicately" I suspect "thin" and "walking gingerly" would work better for the character. Query: would a person who just was released from Azkaban, had undergone a traumatic trial, and been dosed with Veritaserum want to appear in public that quickly? I know you wanted to get the reaction of Slytherin house, but character is important, too. And Snape seems to have recovered a little quickly. Author's Response: Wow! I am thrilled to see your reviews! You raise good points, and I shall address them in order. 1. The Veritaserum - I had Moody mention that Severus is rather immune to the effects of this particular potion, and that is why he is dosed with an entire vial (and also, I always find it rather hilarious in the GoF movie, where earlier Snape explains to Harry that three drops would make Voldemort spill his guts, yet he goes a little overboard when he pours the whole vial down Barty Crouch Jr.'s throat. If Crouch Jr. needed a whole vial, I figured that someone like Severus would certainly need at least that much as well). 2. Thank you for pointing out the grammar stuff. I sometimes miss it, and usually feel very stupid when it is pointed out. (Really good point about the dark eyes there.) *changes* Thanks about the "squinted/squiting" thing too! *edits* 3. I'll take your advice on the "delicately"...I've changed it to "unsteadily," as your suggested "gingerly" implies (at least to me) a sense of being careful, rather than shakey, or not being firm in his step. I can see how "delicate" could be feminine-sounding...And this could be a me thing, but I (personally) use the term "slender" very often for a man. Could be just a weird quirk of mine. Since slender and thin are synonymous, I tend to use thin when it applies in an unhealthy state, and slender in a healthier state of being. But thank you for the help and suggestions! I hope I am not sounding overly defensive in this response, but since you are very thorough (YAY!) I wanted to be equally thorough in my responses. (I also leave pretty hefty reviews, so I appreciate this!) 3. When Severus returns to Hogwarts, several hours have passed between the end of the trial and this arrival. And I tried to convey that Severus was still physically tired from the events in Azkaban and the trial, etc. by his posture, and his relative quietness as he was escorted by Dumbledore. And let's put it this way as well, while Severus would definitely not want to be marched down the Great Hall, Dumbledore is pretty much supporting him, and wherever he would go, Severus would have to follow even if he did not want to. And even considering the rather stressful day he's had, he's probably lost the will to even argue since he's been freed. (Even in canon, good ol' Dumbledore makes him do things he does not want to, so this is yet something else to add to the list.) Severus is also rather young here and is not yet the bitter, stone-willed character we all know and love yet. He is still young, and insecure. Again, not trying to be overly defensive, just wanted to answer/address your queries and everything. I appreciate your awesome reviews, esp. the grammar! Makes me very happy (even when I feel stupid for not catching some of it myself)! Thank you for reading and reviewing! *smile*
-P.G. P.S. I really liked how you showed the Slytherins' emotions about Snapes' departure and arrival. I enjoyed reading about how loyal to him they were (generally speaking; I'm sure not all of them feel the same way). Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Yes, you'll be seeinng how Harry has been doing with Remus in the next chapter. And as to the reactions of the Slytherins. True, it is a generalized statement about them, and it is used to mainly show the different reactions on average of the four Houses. Not all of the Slytherins like Severus, just as would probably be the case with some students in all of th other Houses. So, yes, it was a generalized reaction. Hopefully, I'll be able to whip out the next chapter relatively soon. As of now, it is very long, so it may take a little longer than usual...*nervous expression* Thanks for reading/reviewing!
Author's Response: Thank you! You'll find out what Harry has been up to next chapter - and Remus too...Thanks for reviewing and reading! Makes me quite cheery!
And all the little Slytherins were happy! Yay! That made me smile. I always love it when that house feels so strongly about their Head of House. Ten points to you! All the professors caring about Severus made me happy too. Especially Flitwick. For some reason I always have a soft spot for him. Never been able to figure that one out, but he made me happy! Another ten points to you!! But I'm amazed that I found two typos, that are really the same thing, so it's easily fixed. You spelled Alastor wrong when Moody and Dumbledore first speak together and Dumbledore answers '"I am, Alistor."' In the paragraph which starts "Which was also the downfall for Voldemort himself!" Dumbledore shouted' you again spelled Moody's name wrong. But don't worry, I always tend to misspell when I'm in a creative rage too! ^^ But this was very good (of course) and I'm glad you updated again! Author's Response: Thank you for the comments about Moody...I was not sure how he was going to be received, but I pictured him a little more rough/frayed around the edges and harsher than the movie portrayed when I read the books. So, I was hoping my vision of Moody would not be too much of a shock or difference to people. Thanks! Yeah, I don't know why for me either, but I love Flitwick! He's actually very important to this story at several points. And all of the professors would kind of care for Severus in my opinion because he is most likely the youngest staff member of the school, and because of that the older staff members, especially the other House Heads would try to lighten his burdens a little since he is not just a Potions Professor, but also the Head of Slytherin. Kind of like when people are all nice to the new neighbor for a while, you know? (Except Flitwick, he is helpful for quite some time.) And wow, thanks for finding the typos. I wrote this chapter very fast, so I guess I was too much on a roll to simply scroll up and see if I spelled something important like someon's name wrong! *face palm* Thanks for catching it, for reading, and for reviewing! *big smile*
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, made my rather terrible morning/afternoon a bit brighter! *smile* And we'll see what Harry's been up to in the next chapter.
My second one is a smaller criticism really, but when you described one of the Slytherins talking who called Snape a traitor, you called her 'Millicent.' Of course, that could be a very popular name in the Hogwarts world, but the first thing that popped into my mind was 'Millicent Bulstrode,' who is in the same class as Harry Potter. I was confused for a little bit because if that were the case, it would be a plot error, but I'm not sure you meant it that way. Personally, I think that section would be better if you just called her a random student, since we really aren't familiar with any students at Hogwarts during this time period. I hope you don't let my criticisms get you down though. I wouldn't have taken the time to voice my concerns if I didn't really like this story, nor would I have read all five chapters just to tell you it was subpar. I think this story is extraordinary and I'm hoping you will update soon because I really want to know what happens to poor Severus and Harry, as well as the story behind Severus being Harry's father. My favorite part of this chapter was when Harry grabs Sev's wand and turns his curtains "purpur." Very cute and you are showing that Harry already has the propensity for magic at a young age. Ooooh, please update soon! I can't wait to read more! -P.G. Author's Response: Well, to your first point about the arrival. THe reason why he chose that point as well, which maybe I should add a blurb in there...*thinks...* is because Severus knows that the staff and student body would be at dinner - including Dumbledore - so he is not worried about running into him as he gets to his chambers. *thinks, again...I may have to include that statement somewhere...* But thank you for making me aware of that. And about Millicent Bagnold. (This is not a student, but the Minister for Magic who pronounced Snape a traitor...I'll check that, and see if it might be fixed or made clearer...) According to a few reference pages on the Harry Potter universe, she was the Minister for Magic from 1980-1990. (My information comes from Harry Potter Wiki.) Even when I found that out, I was even nervous that she would be confused with Millicent Bulstrode, as you pointed out. But Millicent Bagnold is a canon character, and I decided that she needed to be used here. Sorry for the confusion...but...I'm trying to stick as much canon in this as possible without it being canon...But, point well noticed and taken! Ten points for the criticism, I welcome/encourage it. Glad you thought Harry turning the curtains purple was cute, I liked writing that little moment. And yes,it was to show that he is skilled at his young age. Glad you caught that! Thanks for reviewing/reading!
-P.G. Author's Response: Thank you. You are making me super-super happy with all your reviews! *happy dance* To your first question: Yes. To the second and third points: Well, there's a few chapters before that happens, but you'll see soon enough...Thank you for your enthusiastic reviews.
-P.G. P.S. The part about Kreacher putting out the fire was really well done and sad. Author's Response: Yay! You caught the Kreacher stuff. I was hoping to get some sympathy for Kreacher, because at some points in the canon books, I felt sorry for Kreacher, and wanted to try to convey that... And yes, Remus suspects who has Harry...Thanks for yet another review!
-P.G. Author's Response: Thank you again for another review! Agh! Yes, at times I am very purposefully vague. And yes, you are correct that Severus owned the bear initially, and that Harry had the bear before this chapter. Huzzah! Ten points to you! Yes, the red hangings do belong to Severus, but the reason for that is given WAY later...And thank you for the compliment, and your excitement. I'm excited when people review, so if I can get people excited...I get excited! Thanks! |
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