Good so far!! I like. And any troubles you have with English are remarkably subtle. You're doing great. The only thing I noticed is that Ron and Harry are 'third years' not 'third graders'. "Grades" are from the American system, and if they were 'third graders' they'd be like eight years old. Also, 'fake-step' doesn't need the dash. It's just a fake step, or, better, a trick step. But seriously, don't be discouraged, your English is pretty awesome. And so far the story's cool. :0)
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much - first to comment. :)
Thanks for pointing some things out - I am trying, but of course I'd do mistakes. I'm glad you told me about some of the things.
I am happy you like the story so far - I'll try to provide everyone with more soon!