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Reviews For Apprentice
If I may suggest, try making the dialogue relax a bit more. You seem to forget that Harry is fifteen, and trust me, at fifteen, no one talks, or THINKS like that. Snape's thoughts are okay-ish at best, but what he says is perfect. Completely in character. Which brings me to another point. I know you said that this was an AU and that the characters would be slightly OOC, but Harry is WAY too much. I understand what you're trying to do-make him appear abused and hurt, and whatever, but REALLY, Harry can't just roll over and suddenly like Snape. He can in the end, you can't just STOP hating someone for four years and then suddenly like him. So, SNAPE, he's fine. HARRY isn't. All in all, though, the story is very interesting, and I can't wait to see what you plan to do with it! Keep up the good work!
Also, Severus driving the SUV...brilliant! I could just picture it in my head and had to laugh out loud. Please continue this story and update often. I will keep reading, I promise.
Don't know if you realized it, but you've got the same thing up for this chapter and the chapter before it. You may want to fix that. Story seems good so far, I'll likely end up keeping an eye out for updates. |
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