|
|
Reviews For To Make It All Okay
That said, there are still things that can be done to improve the story. While I realise the importance of story breaks to signify time lapses, as well as the hurried sense of the nightime scene, the lack of detail/information during other scenes (as in Potions) is a bit disconcerting. If you were to alter the writing a bit stylistically, a contrast could be made between the even more frantic night to the sense of semi-normalacy in the morning. Granted, though, you seem to have captured the characters of Ron, Hermioned, and Severus rather well. Their actions truly belie their thoughts. I only wish that you gave a bit more background and base for Harry's character, though I'm sure some of that will come in later chapters. Overall, I'm impressed if this is your first work of Harry Potter fanfiction. You'll get better as it goes. An experienced beta might be helpful if you are in a quandry with your current one, or if you don't have one. I am eager to see how the storyline plays out, and await your next update (which I hope will be as timely as real life allows). -waitingforeternity (amateur writer of fanfics, novels, screenplays, and satires since...well, awhile.) Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to write a review, especially one filled with such constructive criticism. I'm glad you are enjoying it so far and I hope you like the next chapter too - it will be up very soon. I think, in some ways, I fell into a bit of a trap when I started to write in present tense as my tenses tend to drift if I'm not paying enough attention. I think that my next chapter has a bit more detail, but I tend to write with a bit of a sharp, staccato style and I forget about the little details that make things better for the reader since I'm already imagining them in my head haha. Future chapters, hopefully, will address this and fingers crossed it'll show! Once again, thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope you stick with me on this :)
That Malfoy is such a git. I wish that Snape had overheard him and he'd gotten in trouble for making Harry cry. What a horrible thing for him to say. Poor Harry. I'm looking forward to more from you Mozalini. Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review :) I'll be updating very soon! Watch this space! |
|
Powered by eFiction 3.5 |