| Title: Chapter 1
| 17 Jan 2011 3:45 pm
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| Reviewer: christy (Anonymous)
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AAAAAAAHHHHHH This would make a great FIRST chapter, you know, like the beginning of a story :D It was so good! Seriously consider running with it, I would love to read more!
While the story line was good, your grammar and spelling could use some work. Mechanics as well, as there were several misplaced commas and periods. Scan through it a few times when you have time. If you proofread your stories, I think you will turn out to be a great author.
| Title: Chapter 1
| 17 Jan 2011 6:05 am
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| Reviewer: Kat (Anonymous)
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Nice story. Interesting premise. Would be interested to see an expanded version, such as Dumbledore's response and more in depth storyline with Harry's friends.
Very good start Yogirl.
I am glad that you've joined our site, and hope that you continue to write. Don't give up. We all have to start somewhere!
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